Thursday, December 8, 2011

A pastor's prayer

R's father was a pastor. He died nearly 4 years ago now.  We have inherited various things from him: commentaries, books, shirts, knick knacks, a desk, fishing gear, and more. One of the most sacred (in my mind) things we have is his old journals.  I don't know where he got them but he had at least a dozen red leather journals marked with the year. They have one page for each day of the year and he wrote faithfully.  They are less like journals where he shared all his thoughts and did a written monologue, and more like his daily prayers.

There were definitely days he missed, but he was quite regular in writing his prayers.  It is touching to read through and see his heart as he prayed for church issues, church families, and that God would guide him in his ministry.  

I have journaled for years. It started as a habit in 6th grade when it was required.  To date, I have over 40 journals.  They used to be all about life.  Now they are a mix of sermon prep, personal writing, and prayers.  I have told my best friend that if I die, she is supposed to find them and burn them. But now that I have a daughter, there is part of me that thinks down the line it would be cool for her to have those to look back on.  Some things are deeply personal and I'd rather no one read them (hence the request for them to burned), but once I'm dead it probably won't matter much.  ;)  

Someone close to R's dad has said his journals should be burned, but we would hate to lose those memories and prayers of his.  In a way, it is a way of connecting with him on a deeper level (both professionally and personally) even though we never met.  

Thank you Steve for your faithfulness, your ministry, and your prayers.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A Little Weary

I love Christmas! Each year, right after Thanksgiving, I haul out the Christmas decorations and dress up the house. I put up the tree and use my Christmas dishes all year long. This year as I decorated, I thought, "Why don't I keep the decorations up since I love them so much?" But I immediately knew if I did that, they would lose some of their power to transform my home. 

Normally, I get so excited to entertain and create worship services, but this year, something is missing.  Life has been full of changes with the addition of Miss Ruth and the purchase of a new home, and work has been tiring because it has been stressful and some people in the church have done and said some pretty hurtful things. I just don't have the drive.  I wish I did. I wish I had the energy for it, but these days, mostly, I just push myself to do it because I know it needs to be done.  

I'm hoping for a renewal of energy and creativity. 

Dear Lord, please inspire me to lead and love your people this holiday season. Amen.