I am not good at being silent. You might not believe that if you try and follow this blog with any kind of regularity and have been left post-less for almost a month now, but my lack of posting is frustrating to me. Life these days has been hectic and full. It has been full of joy and full of chaos. There are many stories that cannot be shared until there is more distance between us and others that simply won't appear for lack of time or energy or both.
I love the work I do and can clearly see God at work in our midst and yet I am tired. I am constantly on the go with no time to simply be.
I need a quiet space. I need stillness. I need rest for my soul, not just for my body (though with some sort of illness trying to wage war on my holy week that is necessary too).
In these busy days with one commitment after another, I find myself longing. I long for the past. I long for another pastor with whom to share the pulpit, to share ideas and responsibilities, to share creativity and inspiration. I long for a home that is not the parsonage where I do not feel like I am constantly under the watchful eye of someone or another. I long for seminary days when I am surrounded by friends and can call one up for a spontaneous walk or casual dinner. I feel trapped by this hurried schedule I keep and am not sure where the emergency exit is.
Yesterday I read Beth's post and wished I felt so excited and invigorated by the onset of Holy Week. Instead I feel tired and weary and sick. Maybe this is the time I get to die to myself (again?!) before the resurrection. Maybe I need to set in this fatigue and weariness to fully appreciate the life-giving power of Easter?!
Easter promises new life and new beginnings and I am desperate for them. I am ready for the good news. I am ready to receive an infusion of new life.