Friday, June 17, 2011

On Motherhood

I’ve officially been a mother for a month now. Though arguably, I’ve been a mother ever since we knew we were pregnant.  Most folks don’t talk about it that way, but I have been thinking about and caring for our little one ever since that moment.  It wasn’t “hands on” in an official sense, but since her sole care rested with me and my womb, I was mothering her even in those days. 

People often ask how the transition has been, and quite honestly, it hardly feels like much of a transition at all.  Not that life hasn’t changed; we have a baby and that is a huge change.  But it hasn’t been so life changing in a way that is dramatic and unexpected. Ruth has fit in quite easily and naturally, at least for me.  

For years, I’ve felt like I was born to be a mother.  In college, there were years when I couldn’t imagine myself with a husband (or rather couldn’t imagine a man I would want to spend my life with), but I could easily see myself as a mother.  Caring for and loving children comes naturally for me.  It’s easy and natural. Of course, the care takes work, and there are various “tricks” I have learned along the way, but loving another human being and caring for her needs--that comes easily.  And even when I would rather stay in bed and get some sleep, it’s still easy to roll myself out of bed knowing that this little wonder of life needs me.  

And, saying all that, I say this, I’ve been quiet on the blogging front for quite some time. I occasionally write, though I wish I could would write much more often. But I often hesitate to start typing because I don’t feel like I have much spiritual or theological to say, and since that has been my primary focus for the years I have been blogging, I hesitate to write anything else.  But I think it’s time for me to transition my blogging to reflect my life changes.  I think I might do more “mommy-blogging”. Which is not to say that there won’t be the occasional theological piece, but I think if I hope to re-awaken my blog to have any kind of regular updates, then I need to give myself permission to write about whatever comes to me, even if it’s not “churchy” or even “church appropriate”  as this is supposed to be a free expression of my thoughts on life and what comes with it.  

That may turn off some of my readership, and for that, I apologize.  But I have to remind myself that I didn’t start blogging for others to read it, but instead for me to write. So, I think I will try and return to that purpose and write as I am led.

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