Letter to my daughter

Dear sweet first-born child of mine,

Over the years,  you will learn more and more about me.  One thing I'd like to give you a heads up about is I'm not actually a morning person. I know that will come as a shock since I've been rising with you at every ungodly hour since you were born,  but it's the truth.  Let's just say I faked it well (oh and it was a lot easier when you were smaller since you just wanted to be in our vicinity,  not have actual conversation). That said, I have a pro-tip for you: mornings will be a lot smoother (maybe even more fun. ..eventually) if you ease me into them instead of cradling into my bed and talking a million miles an hour.

Don't get me wrong I like your taking. ...love it really,  I'll just be a lot more pleasant  (and responsive) if you give me 10-15 minutes to be quiet and gradually wake up. 

I know you won't heed this.  You probably couldn't care less. You won't,  until you're  thirty and have a talkative child yourself.  But hey, it doesn't hurt to try!

Know that I'll love you forever,  no matter what,  including if you rush me into mornings every day for the rest of my life.

Love,
Mom  

Potty Talk

*Disclosure: this is literally about poop, which may not be your thing.  (It's not really mine either,  but it's relevant. ..even theological). So, you may want to skip this post and move on to the next. 

My dear sweet child unfortunately has weak teeth (or poor hygiene, or both) and she has had more dental work in 3 years than I have had in 33 years.  She has 5 crowns,  maybe 6. And on Friday,  one came loose and she swallowed it.  I called the dentist and she was out of town,  so we have to wait for Monday.  Insurance won't cover the replacement,  so we will owe around $400. (Yippee)  Sigh.

The hygienist suggested we "watch" for it.  I can't even begin to describe how giddy that makes me.  So we talked and talked to Ruth about not flushing and letting me know if she had a bowel movement. 

At dinner I asked if she'd pooped and she said,  "Yes, and I didn't flush,  just for you!" Oh goody!

So I grabbed a bucket and gloves and went upstairs.  And I "looked" for this $400 treasure piece. 

I warned you. .."literally about poop".

And,  ironically I started thinking theologically. ..where is the God-message in this?

And I thought,  "I wonder how often this happens. ..we accidentally swallow/lose something precious that God has given us, and then we wait for it to "appear" and hope God will sift through the shit to recover our treasure."

Regrettably, the crown didn't appear, so I get to look forward to this "joy" again today.  And I couldn't help but think of God..."Oh boy, I get to do this again tomorrow. .."  sigh.

Sometimes we have accidents,  and sometimes we lose very valuable things because of it,  and then we have to sift through the shit (excuse the language, but if you've ever done this chore, you get it,  it's not glamorous) if we ever want it back. And God, who is a loving and faithful parent, will grab a bucket & get some gloves on, and help us recover that which is precious.

The best mom

I have the best mom (and dad, but this time mom gets the spotlight).  She is an amazing parent who taught, disciplines, empowered, and loved us intentionally, thoughtfully, and purposefully.  And as we grew up, she continued to teach us the reasoning for why she did what she did as a parent.  I wish that everyone were so lucky to have had parents like mine (ours, hey there Kathy and David!) 

The other night Rick and I had a long time friend (yep, it's been 10 years since I studied abroad and met this amazing lady) and her in law and her 4 kids (the in law's, not the friend's).  It was a fun night with a houseful of folks.  Four adults, Ruth (2), a 7 year old, an almost 2 year old, and twins.  (Plus the 4 dogs of course).  We had a good dinner and some fun play time.  The mom was easy going and adapted easily to being in our midst and receiving help from all the adults around.  In the morning, after breakfast, she laughingly mentioned that she thought it was funny (cute?) how I kept giving the kids options, that she just tells them what to do or what they get.  

I pulled out the old Sue Camphouse handbook and explained why I give so many options (that it helps empower the kids and teach decision making) and that I generally limit the options offering milk and water because those are acceptable choices in my book instead of coffee or say beer.  I structure the choices and even though they might not like the options, at least they have an option.  

The visiting mother explained that her mom told her not to give her kids options because it would only cause them to rebel later on.  My heart sank when I heard that.  I LOVE having options (probably because we had them as kids).  But even as an adult, I want options.  If I'm going away for just one night, I always pack an option on outfits simply because I like having a choice.  And that's something simple and straightforward. On things that are serious or more complex, I want even more options. I want to know that my desires matter, that my opinion counts.  And that's no less true for a child.  They may not have the same depth of comprehension, but they still want a choice.  

I tried to reexplain the value of giving her kids options and the fact that as the option-giver, she could set up whatever options were acceptable to her.  I'm not sure if she learned anything, but I hope so.  I hope she saw that even she has options and that she will better serve/raise her kids if they too have options.

All of that is to say, "Thank you Mom." I am grateful for the ways you raised us, and the ways you taught us the value of your parenting techniques.  If you struggle in your parenting or wish you had had a different example growing up, know that there are alternatives (choices!) out there. There are books, videos, resources, and amazing people who can help you to raise your little person(s) to be thoughtful and empowered adults.