Wedding planning is well underway (again). Last spring we announced our engagement and then a January wedding date. Well, the summer got busy and life happened and we needed to take a step back and work on our relationship and our lives and work and more. So, we postponed our wedding date.
At the time, it was a heartbreaking decision. I am a woman perfectly happy meeting other people's expectations and to postpone my wedding was not what was expected. It was hard to deal with my fears of rejection and judgment. It was hard to slow down the momentum, to mourn the loss of what could have been (at least in the ways I had it established in my own mind) and to do some down and dirty relationship work.
But, it's now 5 months later, the new date is set and wedding plans are again underway.
The crazy thing is, (or maybe it's not all that crazy after all) I am enjoying the wedding planning so much more this time around. Last time it felt rushed and urgent and everything had to be done right away. I began to dread wedding planning....well, actually I think I just dreaded feeling fat when I tried on wedding dresses, but the two became inextricably linked. But now, with months of perspective, some new contacts and new ideas, I am much more relaxed.
We have the venue. I've had my dress for months (I got it before we rescheduled). I have my husband-to-be and the rest is just details in my mind! Some details matter more to me than others, but mostly, it's just details.
The only piece that really keeps nagging at me is the creative edge. I want portions of the wedding/reception/etc to stand out. I want some signature marks that just scream our identity as a couple. And I have no idea what those would be. As I think of "cool" details of flare I could add to my wardrobe or whatnot I keep thinking "that'd be fun, but it's not fully me...I'm not that cool!"
The most personalized thing so far is homemade jam as the party favors. All summer I made jam...lots of jam. Tomato jam. Rasberry jam. Peach jam. Recently I made marmelade jam and will be making some blackberry jam and probably more tomato and peach jam. Everyone will have a homemade piece of us to take home. And I like that. I just keep hoping for more cool markers that will capture who we are as a couple.