Care for your marriage

I'm continuing to read in The Church Leaders' Answer Book and read this morning about fostering a healthy marriage.  They had check in questions that go beyond the basics.  I'm not sure why exactly they are so different for husbands and wives, but they are...

Men to women:

• Are there ever times when you feel afraid of me?
• Is there anything that makes you feel disappointed in me?
• Do you feel angry with me in ways that are significantly hurting our relationship?
• Do I know how to connect with you on a deep level?
• Do you believe that I understand who you really are as a woman?
• Do you feel relaxed in the safety of my strength?  Are you able to be yourself with me?
• Do you see me pursuing God with truth and urgency?
• Do I give more of my attention and energy to others than I do to you?
• Have I done anything this week that has closed your spirit toward me?
• What is the one topic we have never discussed?

Women to men: 

• Do you feel that I deeply believe in you?
• Do I show honor and respect to you in public and at home?
• Do I initiate physical intimacy enough to prove my attraction to you?
• Are you convinced of my admiration of you?
• Do I make you feel like my hero?
• Have I told you often enough how much I find you physically attractive?
• Have I done anything this week that has closed your spirit to me?
• Are you aware of how much I pray for you?

If you know me, I don't like strict gender roles (and it also doesn't help that this book is written as if men are the only pastors out there....) so I'm inclined to mix and match the questions to what is most relevant and I think it's just as important for women to place their husband first as it is for men to place their wife first and for women to know their spouse is attracted to them as it is for men, and for each to know the other admires and respects them.  AND for a wife to know how much her husband prays for her...why that question is one sided, I will never know....