Friday, April 13, 2012

You would fight wouldn't you?

One morning R shared that he had had a bad dream...a nightmare where I had been raped.  In the dream, I told him that I hadn't fought off the attacker because he told me I could live if I didn't fight. So I chose life and didn't fight.

In the real life conversation, he pleadingly asked, "You would fight, wouldn't you?!" I shrugged my shoulders and said, "It would depend."

I pray that I never have to know the pain and anguish of rape (physically, emotionally, or spiritually). I have worked with enough survivors to know that it is awful. I've also worked with enough survivors to know, "it would depend."  Most of us, if not all of us, would think that we would be able to fight.  and win.  But that isn't always the case.  And there are very real situations where a victim is faced with a choice, life or abuse.  As much as I wouldn't want to choose abuse (I use that term VERY loosely since I do not believe it is a true choice, only sometimes a choice between the lesser of two evils, which is no choice at all), I would want to choose life.  Maybe in a different scenario, I would see an out, I would have a chance, or be willing to risk it and fight.  I don't think that knowledge or that decision can be foretold or preplanned, it is simply something that has to be judged in the moment.  

It all depends. 

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