Tuesday, August 13, 2013

7 year itch

Anyone have some calamine, or cortisone cream?  I'm itchy. I'm restless.  I'm uneasy. 
I think it might be the 7 year itch.  You know, the year that you start taking stock and wondering what you are doing, if there isn't something better, if you even made the right choice in the first place.  I think that must be it. Something has to be it.  

No, not for my marriage.  We've only logged 3 years married.  

It's for my job.  This year marks 7 years of full time pulpit ministry.  And I am in that place of wondering and wandering.  I'm in a place of wondering what my call is really about, if this is all there is, if I'm getting it right, or if I got it all wrong already.  I'm in a place of wondering if there isn't a *better* career out there.  I'm wondering what I've accomplished.  I'm wondering what difference I've made.  

It doesn't feel like a pitty party. I'm not down about it.  It feels more reflective.  It feels contemplative.  It feels curious and purposeful.  

And yet, I'm not honing in on the right answers.  Not the ones that feel satisfactory anyway. Though I suppose that's probably partly because summer has been so busy that there's hardly been time to think, let alone sit down and be seriously reflective.  

I'm not really considering leaving ministry. I know better than that.  Do not make any major decisions when you're in the midst of major change or transition.  At least that's my motto. I need to decide when I'm clear headed, not headed for the hills.  So, we are going to muster through some changes and trials. And I'm trying to get reacquainted with my calling and my purpose. 

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