If you want my help

Let me just start by saying God is growing me so much as a parent. I am (slowly) becoming a better person day by day. And I'm learning a whole lot of humility, both from my failings as a parent and as I learn to re-image God.  

The other day Ruth wanted "3 Queen Elsa braids" in her hair. Now, she doesn't have enough hair for much, but she is content if I give her any kind of braid that make her feel like Elsa.  So, I sprayed and conditioned her hair and started to divide it into sections (at which point she normally likes to argue with me that she wants braids not pony tails...but if you do hair you know you have to do pony tails first to keep the sections separate).  I remind her she should trust me.  She said ok and then began to bend all the way forward.  

Sigh.

"Ruth, you need to sit up straight!"

"OKAY!"

I continued separating sections and then began braiding.  I don't remember exactly what she did next, but my response was "Ruth, if you want me to help you, you have to let me do it." 

Click in my brain. 

Ohh....it's another one of those  lessons.  If I want God to help me I have to let God do it...

Let's just say I'm about as cooperative as my almost-5 year old when it comes to asking God for help and then either staying out of the way or being an active (and helpful) participant in following God's direction.  I'm trying. I'm learning.  I'm definitely a work in progress.  

I just have to remember, if I ask for help, I need to let God do it!

Here You Go God

"Here you go Mommy." 

I get that a lot.  And generally that’s followed by a handful of trash.  It might be an apple core, a broken toy, a half eaten sandwich, a gun wrapper, already chewed gum, or any other type of rubbish.  There’s nothing like receiving trash because your child doesn’t want to deal with it herself.  “Thaaaaanks” is about the only reply I have. 

Today, I had one of those “ah ha” moments and realized, that’s a lot like what we do to God.  We break stuff, we use what we want, we pull off the undesirable parts and then we hand it to go and say, “Here, it can be yours now.” We might want a solution (like fixing a broken toy a.k.a. situation) or we might simply not want to deal with our rubbish ourselves. So instead we give it to God.  

I wish I could say I’m more mature in my faith than this, but the reality is, I do this on a regular basis. I tire of something, or I break it, or I don’t find it useful or whatever the case may be, and so I readily dump it in God’s lap. “Ok, it’s your problem now. You take care of it.”  I’m not sure I have a great solution to this habit, but I imagine it will start with an awareness of it.  If I can acknowledge what I’m doing, maybe I can stop and think before I dare a hand-off…

  Could I fix it?

 Could I get rid of it myself?

Does it really need God’s hand or am I just being lazy? 

"I don't want you to hurt yourself"

I'm learning a lot about God through my kids these days.  It seems the regular lessons I teach (and re-teach) our 4 year old seem to have a lot of resonance or theological perspective for me.  For instance....This week Ruth was wanting to do an art project. She had been painting and wanted to cut the page. So she went upstairs to get a pair of scissors.  Now, she uses scissors a lot and does a great job of only cutting the paper and not cutting fabric, hair, or herself.  But, she doesn't do a lot of walking with scissors, let alone down the stairs.

When I saw her coming down, scissors in hand (incorrectly) I hurried up the stairs and stopped her. I asked her to give me the scissors so I could show her how to hold them correctly and not get hurt.  She refused. I asked again. She refused. I grabbed the scissors. She pulled away. I pulled them out of her hand.  She stormed off in tears to her room.  I called after her to no avail.  So, I took the scissors to my room and told her to come talk to me when she is ready to learn how to hold them correctly. 

A few minutes later she came in and started scrounging around (trying to find the scissors).  I asked if she was ready to learn and she fussed at my and stormed out again.  Another minute later she came in tears and mad, but asking if I would show her how to hold the scissors. 

So I showed her the different ways and different dangers in holding them. Then I showed her how to hold them correctly, first in my hand, then in hers. Then she was free to go do her project. 

As I reflected on the incident, I couldn't help but think that's how we I sometimes am with God. Sometimes I want to do something and I want to do it my way and on my terms.  God has no objection to what I want to do, only what I'm doing and the risks involved in getting there. So God says, "slow down, let me help you." and I object. "No, I can do this myself." God insists, "...trust me, I don't want you to get hurt, please let me help you."  And, bull-headed as I am, I object. But God knows what is good for me. God wants what is best for me. And God does not want to allow me to get hurt.  So God stops me. 

Can you see where this is going? 

I have to trust God--both as the know-er, and as the one who is benevolent toward me.  I have to be humble and accept (sometimes ask) for help.  Not because I'm incapable. In fact, quite the opposite. I'm very capable, I just need direction sometimes.