Then one day

From the beginning of this journey, I have had the thought, "I'm not a runner, why am I doing this?!" run through my head during most of my training.  I have struggled with the workouts, partly in a physical sense, but mostly in a psychological sense.  I'm not a runner.  At least, I wasn't.  I wasn't a runner.  Not in high school when I "ran" track. Not in college or seminary or afterward. I wasn't a runner. I wasn't a runner when I signed up to run a half marathon, which seems crazy in and of itself. I mean, why run a half marathon if you're not a runner?!?!  The truthful answer is, I signed up to run to raise money for a cause and work toward a cure for leukemia and lymphoma (which also, by default, has a way of helping with a cure for other cancers too...).  I was inspired by Kathleen Stout and her struggle as we as her victory and the statistics that changed so dramatically to offer life instead of death to those with a blood cancer diagnosis.  So I signed up. I didn't sign up for the running. I signed up to be challenged and to do the fundraising and work for something beyond myself. 

Only, the thing that happened with all that running and training and such was that somehow in the midst of it, I became a runner.  There wasn't some glorified Hollywood moment when I took off like Jackie Joyner Kersee.  It just happened, subtly and unannounced.  One training I was fighting the constant thought, "I'm not a runner" and then somehow on the next I wasn't.  And somehow when it came to running 12 miles, I was undaunted, excited even.  And then the next week when we ran 6 miles, I said, "We only ran 6 this week."  ONLY being the operative word.  Only 6?!?  Who says that?  Runners do.  Runners who do much greater distances and see 6 as a reprieve say "only 6".  And that's when I knew for sure. I'm now a runner.

Some days it's just getting out there

As I write about my journey here, I think it's important to share the bad as well as the good. Or at least the mediocre. I ran a little last week, but not as much or as long as I would have liked. We are across the country visiting and learning from friends before starting a week long mission trip in Maryland.

Today I got out to run. My body has been tightening up and I knew I needed to get out. So I got ready and headed out. It wasn't long into my first run split that I realized I forgot to use my inhaler. I've been without incident when I use it pre-run, but today I felt the burn and ended my run early.

It want the worst that could have happened but not the best either. But at least I got out, right?

It's almost becoming a thing

I've said before I'm not a runner. I believe that. Even with 2 years in track, I was not a runner. I don't think I ran the full warm up mile EVER. As with most things in high school, if I could succeed without doing all the work, I would. I wasn't a runner then either.

But now, as I train for this 1/2 marathon, it's sorry of catching on. I look forward to my run days and miss it if my day has been too busy to get out. AND it's offering some relief too. After a long stressful day, my first thought is no longer, "I deserve ice cream" it's "maybe I should run." As a non-runner, that just seems crazy.

But it's a good crazy. I can see it's value and the pay off. Even when I'm not shedding pounds like I hoped, I am getting stronger and healthier and my bad habits are getting changed out. It's a change I celebrate and I'm looking forward to more.

All in my head

I'm a really good runner.  In my head anyway.  I've known for a couple of months now that I wanted to do the LLS 1/2 marathon in January and that the official training starts in September. Not being a regular runner (who am I kidding a runner of any sort), I thought I should pre-train before the training.  (Sort of like pre-cleaning before someone else comes to clean your house).  I've been thinking that for 2 months now, really almost 3.  I should run.  But in my head, I'm in great shape. In my head getting out and running 3-5 miles is a cinch and getting up to 13 will be no problem at all.  That's in my head.  

Today, I pushed myself out the door to put my money where my mouth is and I got out to run.  I walked a bit with Rick and Ruth and then they headed back to the house and then I went to run and basically I did fartleks (run, walk, run) and fared ok for my 1.5 run walk.  I ran it (and walked it) and I did it.  But in reality, I am not what I am in my head.  I am not a good runner. I'm really not a runner at all. It takes persistence and focus and a ton of emotional and mental effort to get out and do it.  But today I did it.  Running a mile really isn't much. And for my age and health I should be able to do a lot more. But I don't do it and so I can't just pick up and do more.  

But I had to start somewhere. So I started with a mile and hopefully the next will be better and further and more running and less walking.  

It's a good discipline for me. It's something I can do, but I have to put my mind to it. I have to be intentional and dedicated and willing to sacrifice what's comfortable or normal to make it happen.  And that's what a discipline is.  And I have to (or get to) remind myself that that's how it started with the spiritual disciplines as well.  When I first started praying daily with intentionality, it cost me.  It took a lot of intentionalilty and focus. It did not come easily. I could not just pick up and pray and focus. My mind wandered to my to do list and my stressors, or I simply fell asleep.  I had to work at it for it to become comfortable and easy.  And I think this will be true for running too.  I will have to work at it. But if I can be dedicated enough to do it, it will come with practice.  

And frankly, even if I don't learn to love running, if I can stick with this it will be good for my body and will be good for LLS and helping to further the research.  And it'll be a good discipline to work on something that is asked of me and doing it even when I don't love it. 

Here's to the journey. Day 1 accomplished.