When the tables are turned

I recently met someone who seems completely un-phased by my pastor-ness. That may seem like no big deal to you, but to me, who yields (apparently) one of the world's scariest vocations, it's novel. It's been years since I haven't been seen through the half-nun lens of my clergy collar. I have to admit it's intriguing. To be honest, I don't even really get it. I keep waiting for it to actually register and for me to be launched back into the land of the weird. It's so weird actually that it's almost creepy, like....how does he not see my pastor-ness?? I know he knows. He's heard me preach. And yet, still un-phased. Did I mention I don't get it? I don't know what to do with it? 'Cause I don't. I mean, being seen through the half-nun lens is now so much of how I understand myself that I almost want to force him into that box so I can deal with what's *normal*--you know, the stunned silence...the endless questions about why and how and what that actually means. Because at least I know how to deal with that realm of things. But this, this is new, and in being new, it's a bit intimidating. Who'd have thought that I, the great intimidator, would be intimidated?

I know that other people have jobs that don't completely consume their conversations with everyone else. The landscape manager I met the other day definitely falls into that realm. I had a hard time getting him to say 2 sentences about his job. But being a pastor means talking pastor stuff a lot, or doing pastoral care, or answering questions about theology, or engaging in the "great debates" of our day, or....you know, the 1000 other things that pertain to working in the church and serving God. So it's hard for me to fully register what it is supposed to feel like to have someone totally disinterested (or at least not obsessed with) what you do. Because what I do is who I am and who I am is what I do, so I'm not even sure I know what it is to be separated from that identity.

You could probably send me into counseling for that! It sounds a lot like a typical female issue--the one where women only know themselves as a wife or a mother or a caregiver and struggle when they can't fill that role anymore or when the shape of that role changes dramatically. So I know I'm not alone in that, "what do you mean, who am I apart from that? that's who I am..." feeling. There are thousands if not millions of others whose identity is intricately woven together with what they do, such that they hardly know themselves apart from those actions and that role. But somehow, knowing that, and experiencing that are two different things. And being comfortable separated from an identity that has been who I am, and probably has acted as a shield on various occasions, sort of makes me want to run and hide.

On the one hand, I can choose being seen through the half-nun lens which includes a whole host of stereotypes that I regularly try and combat, and on the other hand I can choose being stripped of my identity-comfort blanket and delving into a whole new definition of myself. Now, why is it that option B sounds so much more alluring and yet option A sounds WAY better?!?!

The joys of being considered a 'sister'

For the record, being told you're considered to be a nun, or even a half nun doesn't do a whole lot for your self-image. So when you speak with a female clergy friend or your own female pastor...I recommend a different choice of words. 'Nuff said.

Quote of the Day

Me: "...and, it's weird because people think I'm a nun."
Mr Date Man: "what?!"
Me: "Well, they don't see many women clergy, and so when they hear I'm a pastor, they think I'm like a nun."
Mr. Date man: "I didn't think you were like a nun, I mean, I didn't go to that extreme....maybe like half way to a nun."

Did I just get asked out?!?!

So today during the meet and greet there was a man who looked new to me, thinking he was a visitor, I asked his name and greeted him and told him I was glad he was with us. No big deal. I greeted the other 100 people who were in line behind him and then went to my second service. After the service was over we were gathered in the small area (like a mini narthex) before exiting and were signing up for tamales and having coffee and cookies and Mr. New Guy came up and asked if he could talk with me a minute (I probably should have seen a red flag considering my service gets out an hour and a half after the other one ends...and so even if he had stayed until the absolute end of coffee time...he would have had a bit of a wait, but whatever, I'm slow on the uptake, I can admit that). I instructed a youth to finish cleaning up and went around the corner into another room with him. He asked if I wanted to go have lunch and I said I had a youth with me today and couldn't. He asked if I my schedule was busy (uhhh...can we say it's advent in the church and I am one of the pastors?? Do you even need to ask?!?) "Yes, well, it's advent, so things are pretty hectic in the church. But (why do I always throw in the but...???) I can check my schedule and get back to you. He gave me his card, with cell number written in, and then did the long shake thing.

Now, I'm pretty sure that was a request for a date....but it was disguised, and I was robed, and who in their right mind asks a pastor out while they are robed for Sunday service?!?! That's not normal. Apparently some people like the nun thing. I'm not sure though, I mean, I was robed, and it is Sunday, and so maybe he has a pastoral/spiritual concern, but something tells me not.

Can we be clear about a couple of things here? 1) there has not been this much dating interest directed toward me EVER in my life. What is that about?!?! 2) this dating business is tricky...seems to me it used to be you got asked "out" or on "a date", but I think too many men were rejected and so they got smart...one doesn't get asked out on a date or asked out per say any more, you get asked for coffee (a.k.a. the neutral date), lunch (a.k.a. the safe date), or dinner (the most-likely-it's-a-date date), but without being asked "out" or on an official date, the terms and agreements are a bit fuzzy. (At least in my mind). Being asked to lunch isn't necessarily a date in my book, which is probably why, more often than not, I end up blindsided by the romantic implications. Oy Vey.

Does this craziness happen to anyone else? Have you ever been asked out in worship?? (**I was quite relieved this did not happen during the passing of the peace...that would have seriously thrown me for a loop!)