Let the Primer Dry

Over the last couple of months, I have been learning to re-do furniture with a fresh, fun look.  

I’ve done a chair, a book shelf, a lamp, a dresser, and a desk.  I’ve been spray painting to try and get a smoother finish.  

Along the way, I’ve learned various tips and tricks for a more successful project.  One that I learned when painting the desk was to make sure the primer dries before trying to apply the final color.  

This is what happened when I didn’t wait long enough.  The original color was green. The primer was white. The final color was orange.  As you can see the primer covered the green, but when I tried to apply the orange, it mixed with the white.  it wasn’t dry yet.  

If you are into a DIY project, you can take that tip and stop reading. If you’re into life lessons, leadership, pastoring, or thinking theologically, then you might want to read on. 

The primer issue made me reflect on my new beginning at my church.  There are lots of dangers and risks in leadership and not letting the primer dry (so to speak) is one of them. Often we get things ready and then apply the first coat. But in our haste to see/have a finished product, we often rush the process.  Sometimes we skip steps and sometimes we rush through them not allowing the proper time before beginning the next.  

As I venture into new beginnings at a new church, I know there is and will be a lot of excitement. There will be things that need to be cleaned, others that need to be repaired, others that need a fresh coat, and probably a few that just need to be thrown out.  In the midst of all of it, I need to regularly remind myself to let the primer dry.  

I may want to see results quickly, but I also need to make sure I allow the appropriate and necessary time before moving onto the next step.  

Can we celebrate Easter?

The other day Ruth was watching TV and saw some commercial that related to Easter…eggs hidden around the hard, decorations, special foods…the works…Martha Stewart style. And she asked, “Mom, when we get to our new house*, could we celebrate Easter?”

I paused a minute (generally one to be overly pragmatic and think things like “no, we celebrate Easter at Easter time not in July”) and then I said “Yes, of course we can.”  After all, Easter isn’t really about some designated Sunday during the year. Easter is about resurrection, life after death, new beginnings, second chances, forgiveness of sins, and the blessings of God’s grace.  And, quite frankly, after a year full of “stuff” (including death of various types, endings, hurt feelings, and dark places) we are in need of a whole lot of Easter.  

As I thought about it further, I thought it could be a really cool way to begin in a new place.  We could spend a couple weeks unpacking and hopefully getting to know some people (from the church, or otherwise) and then maybe have an Easter party.  It’d be a fun “open house” and a nice way to show Ruth, others, and remind ourselves that the celebration of Easter can happen at any time of year.  

 

Who knows, it might even become a tradition for every time we move into a new appointment…a reminder of God’s grace, a chance to mourn the endings (for better or for worse) and to look forward to the new life and new beginnings God is offering in a new place of ministry.  

I’m surprisingly excited about the idea and looking forward to the ways we might do this in a new place and a new season of our lives and ministries.

*It’s appointment season in the UMC and clergy all over are waiting to hear if and where they will be moving, or if they will be staying, this year.  While we don’t yet know where, we do know for fact we will be moving. 

Preparing to #Leap (kid part 1)

When I prepared to #leap, I was very aware that it wasn't just me who was moving and transitioning, it was also my husband and my daughter.  When I started at my first two churches, I was single. Starting at a new place with a spouse and a child promised to be a very different thing.  

This is part 1 in a 3 part series:

When I met with the outgoing pastor, we talked about a lot of things.  We had an initial phone conversation that lasted about an hour and a half.  Then a face to face that was nearly 5 hours.  Multiple email exchanges and then about another hour to hour and a half at annual conference.  We did a good bit of talking before the transition. At some points it felt like way too much information and at others it felt like we had only scratched the surface.  We covered church history, leadership, vision, staffing, and finances.  We also covered a multitude of questions I had both as I thought my new place and things I wanted the incoming pastor to know for the place I was leaving.  Some of my questions were related to theory and some were more pragmatic.  

I remember one in particular because I was taken aback by the answer.  I asked, “So, on a Sunday morning, if you need help with your kids, who do you turn to?”  He asked, “What do you mean?”  It seemed like a straightforward and simple question to me, but I did my best to clarify, “I mean, say your wife is sick and you have the girls before worship and you need to do something, who helps with the kids?”  His response, “That’s never happened.”  Now, that may be the luxury of having a stay at home wife, or of being a man, or of some other weird quirk in the universe, whatever the case, I don’t really know how to explain it, or even understand it.  

I am the mother of a three year old, a well-behaved, intelligent, articulate, church-accustomed 3 year old and I can’t even imagine a world where needing help with her on a Sunday morning “has never happened.” From sick days, to tantrums, to unexpected counseling, to regular post-worship conversations, to diaper blow outs, to extended naps, I have had many occasions to need reinforcements.  And, at my last church, the one where I announced my pregnancy and shared my first months with my first born, I had a whole village of support and care.  No matter what the event, there always would have been someone to help with her.  Someone would have taken her at her best and in a screaming fit to help me do my job.  They were our church, but more importantly, they were her village.  They helped us raise our daughter, from time in the office, to time in the nursery, to babysitting at our house when I had Bible study or we had an emergency, they were there and I had a list of folks I could call on.

So, when I was anticipating a transition, I thought a lot about who I might turn to. Who would be there to help? Who would not mind taking a screaming child out of worship? Who could stay late to keep her entertained while I did this that or the other?  This was a big deal for me.  I felt pretty sure I could take whatever the church could dish out, but I wasn’t sure how my young child who only knew one home and one church would fare without “her people.” 

Learning to #Leap

A few months ago I sat down with my District Superintendent (DS) to talk about ministry and transitions, including my recent move.  From the outside looking in, it was a big leap to go from a church of 130 to a church of 550.  Who am I kidding, from the inside it looked like a gigantic leap!  To be sure, there are some things about church that are universal and true wherever you go.  And, as I’ve been learning, there are some things that are very different in different size churches.  

After I was told of my new appointment, I spent a good bit of time talking with mentors and friends, particularly those of large churches, about what is different, what to expect, and how best to lead.  One in particular who had grown his church from 70 to over 1200 in the years he was there was very clear, “The large church is not just a small church magnified. They are different.”  I took that wisdom with me when I went to the new place.  And I quickly learned I had no idea what that meant in real terms.  Each week I was faced with something new and something different.  I knew what I knew from before, but wasn’t always sure if what I knew from a medium church would fit with a large church.  I will be very honest that I have prayed a lot for God to cover my shortcomings. I’ve talked a lot with those who I trust to give me guidance and share their wisdom. And I’ve learned a lot. 

In my conversation with the DS he shared that he’s part of a planning team for a conference next fall called “Leap” that’s meant to train young leaders how to make the leap from a small or medium size church to a large one.  They will be calling on a variety of church leaders to teach, lead, and inspire.  He also said they will be looking for those who’ve experienced it recently to share their learnings.  He laughed a little and said it would be too late to help me, but I could help the next person.  

Since that conversation I’ve been noting things I’ve noticed, things I’ve learned, and things I wish I had known before I had taken the leap.  I will be sharing those musings here in the hope that they might be helpful.  Some things I’ve done well and other things I’ve fumbled a bit.  And, of course, there’s a lot I’m still learning. 

A little like normal

It was July 1st that I started at the new church.  The first two weeks seemed a bit slow and like I was always looking for something to do.  The next few weeks were incredibly fast-paced and I felt like I was never catching up!  And, as part of and in addition to the whirlwind of responsibilities, get-togethers, and one on ones, was the lingo of new ministries, events and activities of which I had no clue: wet and wacky, bike and build, fiddles, viddles and wine, and more...they were ministries that were known to the staff and the church community. All anyone had to do was speak the name of a group or event and everyone, except me, seemed to know the mass of information related to it--when it happened, who it was for, who was in charge, who helped, etc.  And there I sat, wondering what it was, when it was, who was connected and what, if any, responsibility I might have with said group or ministry. 

 Never afraid to ask a question, I would chime in with "what is that?" and be offered an explanation.  This routine continued each week at staff meeting for the majority of the summer until this one day late in August when finally the words and terms were not foreign.  I now, at least, had a concept of what the event was, when it was, who it was for, and how I might be tied in as the pastor.  

That may not seem like a big deal. It may feel pretty mundane to you the reader, but to me, the one sorting through a 1000 different "new things" in the midst of a pastoral transition, feeling a little less lost helped me feel a little more normal and that was a gift of grace for which I give great thanks. 

Back from Hiatus (maybe)

I was looking at my blog the other day searching for a former post and realized it had been months since I last posted.  I sort of fell of the face of the earth as we tied things up at my last appointment and transitioned to life and ministry in a new town with new people.

Change and transition are hard.  Most anyone will tell you that, and it has been no exception for us (even though we are people who like to bring and experience change).  In the transition things are busy and it's hard to find time to write.  It's also emotional and there's the inclination to purge emotionally posting about anything and everything, which isn't a practice I advocate in general. So, instead, in many ways I've held my tongue.

As I get adjusted and things begin to balance, I find myself wanting to reflect and write.  And I am drawn back to this venue to do just that.  So, here is my first step.  We'll see if I can keep up the discipline for more.

Appointment Change

It was announced that this year, I will be taking an appointment change and leaving Wesley UMC.

It was all pretty surprising and unexpected.   I hadn't requested a move. My church hadn't requested a move.  We both thought we were doing good ministry and that it'd continue that way for awhile.  

Last time I moved, I had asked for it.  And after asking I had talked with a couple of DS's to get my name out there and let them know who I was and what my gifts were.  So, I guess I assumed if I were up for a move again it would be because I had asked for it, or at least I would have a clue that I was being considered.  I didn't.  Not one single clue.  (Though I suppose God was planting seeds in my mind that would have suggested moving sooner rather than later, but I was gracefully ignoring that.)  

Anyway, first came a "heads up email" one that said, "You might be getting a call from another DS."  Might, like "might happen but probably won't?" or might like "we've changed your appointment and someone will be calling?"  More like the latter.  I was devastated. I love my appointment. The people I serve are amazing and faithful and willing and have servants' hearts and I was not prepared to leave.  I was out doing visitation, so I did one more visit and then drove home and shared the news with Rick.  We sat and cried together.  It was really tough news to wrap our heads around.  

And then we waited, and waited, and waited. No call came.  Not that night.  I sent the description of ministries at Wesley to the DS to try and help them find the best incoming pastor for Wesley. And then we waited some more.  

Rick had a contract interview for his new church the next day, so I emailed and asked for some clue about where we might be going.  We had no clue.  It could be San Luis Obispo, it could be Hawaii, it could have been in a neighboring city.  I asked "Will it be in the area?" and was told no.  Which, honestly, living in Southern California, didn't help a lot.  I realized after asking the question that what I might define as "in the area" and what the DS might define as "in the area" could be two very different things.  So, we had Rick go to the meeting and move forward recognizing the information we had could not be shared, and we had no real idea if he would or wouldn't be able to take the job.  

So we waited some more.  We waited through Tuesday, and then through Wednesday.  And Thursday came and there was hope of a call, a promise of a call, and then nothing.  It felt a bit like purgatory.  There was a lot of waiting, wondering, frustration, confusion, grief, and no answers.  

I kept wondering why I was being moved. I thought, "But I'm doing good ministry!" Being moved definitely felt like a punishment I didn't deserve.  Yes, I know I'm Methodist. Yes, I know I signed up for itinerancy and that's part of my vows.  I get all that. But that hardly seemed relevant at the time.  And waiting in the land of not knowing didn't help to pacify my concerns.

Finally, on Friday morning the call came.  The DS said, "So, you're moving, yay!!!!" and I said, "You know I like serving where I am right?!"  He said they did and that they also thought it was time for me to spread my wings a little bit and go to the next place.  

I can't say I was relieved when I finally heard the name, I didn't know the church. I knew nothing about the ministries.  And frankly, I was still moving and didn't really want to be.  But, it did help to assuage a number of my fears. It let us map out Rick's new job from my new church and know it was do-able, not ideal, but do-able.  We, of course, checked out the website.  And we waited some more. This time for the introduction, for the confirmation, for the permission to move forward with figuring out the logistics of packing and moving and changing our life around.  

While my initial grief was profound, I have had time to process and to accept this change. I've had a chance to talk with the pastor and meet the SPRC and some of the staff and to get excited about the possibilities of new ministry in a new place.  I've had time to think about and appreciate all of the MANY things we've been able to accomplish in 6 years at Wesley UMC.  I've been able to relish the gift of grace and healing I have received from the congregation at Wesley.  They are amazing.  And they live their faith in unbelievable ways.  And I've acknowledged that they/we are in a good place for a move.  It was unexpected, but we are in a strong and stable place.  A place that won't suffer years of set back because of a poorly timed move.  I have peace about the change.  

And, as of July 1st, I will begin at Valencia UMC, and I thank God (and the cabinet) for that opportunity.