Taking on a new discipline

 

Many of you have read previous posts about my 1/2 marathon training. So I apologize if this is redundant, but this is what I wrote for our upcoming church newsletter. 

 

 

 

In mid August, I started training for a 1/2 marathon.  Having said that, I have to say, I'm not a runner.  I have never enjoyed running, not even when I ran on the track team in high school!  But in the last few months I had been considering trying for a half or full marathon to help raise money for a cause.  Over Memorial Day weekend (Mule Days for those of us from Bishop) I talked with a childhood friend who has Leukemia.  She shared some of her story and I was inspired to change my thinking into doing and got signed up for a half marathon with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Since then,  I have been running 3-4 times a week and have been using my training time as a sort of spiritual discipline.  It's not a spiritual discipline in formal terms, meaning it's not what you would normally think of like prayer, fasting, service, or meditation.  But it challenges me in ways that I'm not regularly challenged within my faith life.  It started by doing something I don't enjoy.  It requires me to do it even when I'm tired or have "better things to do."  It humbles me as I face my true strengths and weaknesses, not just some fantasy of which I've convinced myself like "running a 1/2 marathon won't be that hard!"  And, in doing it, I've had a change of heart.  I actually enjoy getting out and running. I look forward to it (most days anyway). I can see places where I'm getting better and I'm looking forward to getting even stronger and faster! 

 

For me, I can't help but think of the parallels to our faith life.  How many things (prayer, service, worship, meditation, study, fasting) do we not trying because we "just don't do that type of thing," or "aren't any good"?  And yet, if we commit, for whatever reason, God uses it to grow us and bless us.  Establishing the habit is challenging and our old ways will tempt us at various points, but, if we stick with it, even on the days we don't want to, it will begin to shape us in ways we never imagined.  We may have growth in places we anticipated, but we are also likely to experience growth in ways that were highly unexpected. 

 

This month, I would encourage you to ask God, "What should I try?" And then be open to the answer.  It might be a practice of daily prayer, or of praying in public, or of visiting the sick, or of serving Sunday breakfast, or fasting, or tithing.  Or it may be something unexpected like running or painting or singing where God might touch you most profoundly. 

Trials of messy ministry

Sometimes ministry sucks. Not really, well, yeah really.  I don't normally openly say that.  Especially because the great parts far outweigh the crap parts.  But there are things that just feel awful in their being.  Today offered one of those things.  

For more than 2 years we have been "battling" with 2 different homeless folks that we serve.  We've been in ministry with them nearly twice that time, but 2+ years ago it became a thing.  A thing where we had been asking and asking and asking and asking that they not stay the night and not hang out on church property when they weren't attending a church function.  We had issues with altercations, shopping carts set on fire, the police, and a whole variety of charming things that come with being in urban-esque ministry with those who live chronically on the streets.  

It wasn't the first time we waded in these waters. We had been down a similar road before with other friends we served.  But they, after a few months, finally obliged and stopped staying the night and loitering (mostly).  But these 2, these 2 refused to waver.  And ever since it's felt like a battle.  Some days it's just irritating, other days you turn a blind eye because there's not energy or time for it and other days it just infuriates you.  Sometimes it's downright exhausting.  

One of these friends has been MIA for a couple of weeks.  We assume she's back in jail, but it could be any number of things.  But he's been around. And last week we decided we needed to draw a hard line.  Harder than the rules we had in place. Harder than calling the police (who rarely show up anyway and when they do take more than 45 minutes to get to the church).  We decided we would have him sign a contract that said he understands how he has broken the rules and that we are enacting certain consequences as a result.  

The content looks like this:

As a result of openly defiant behavior relating to Wesley UMC and its rules for participation in ministries and presence on the campus, we are enacting the following rules for ________________.  The following rules are effective through March 2014, at which time a conversation with Pastor Debbie and head of trustees will be necessary before restoring any privileges or access to ministries offered at Wesley UMC.

Rule violations include:

• Breaking into buildings
• Stealing church, NA, and AA property
• Loitering
• Accessing church electricity without permission
• Defiance when asked to leave church property
• Stowing personal belongings in bushes and on church property.

 

Rules of restriction include but are not limited to:

• No mail access effective October 5, 2013. Received mail will be forwarded to an address if provided, or returned to sender.
• No Sunday breakfast, shower, or clothing privileges.
• No Tuesday morning food distribution privileges.
• No access to additional church ministries including worship, NA/AA programs, Bible studies, or special events.

Following our no trespassing ordinance:

• Sleeping on church property is not allowed at any point.
• Resting, stopping by, or sorting personal belongings is not allowed.
• Lack of church member or pastor presence does not negate any of these rules.  

Quite honestly, this is not the road we wanted to take.  We wanted to offer grace and second chances and repeat the rules and have him comply. But he hasn't and he refuses to.  We know that he has bigger issues going on in his life. And I have offered numerous times to help him get help.  But for now, we need a hard line.  The break ins, the theft, the defiance, the getting cussed out, it's all become too much and something has to change.  

And yet, even knowing all that, it still sucks. When you live in a profession of second (and 157th) chances, you want people to live into the fullness of who they are. You don't want this. Not the bad behavior or the hard line.

  And so, sometimes, it sucks.

It's almost becoming a thing

I've said before I'm not a runner. I believe that. Even with 2 years in track, I was not a runner. I don't think I ran the full warm up mile EVER. As with most things in high school, if I could succeed without doing all the work, I would. I wasn't a runner then either.

But now, as I train for this 1/2 marathon, it's sorry of catching on. I look forward to my run days and miss it if my day has been too busy to get out. AND it's offering some relief too. After a long stressful day, my first thought is no longer, "I deserve ice cream" it's "maybe I should run." As a non-runner, that just seems crazy.

But it's a good crazy. I can see it's value and the pay off. Even when I'm not shedding pounds like I hoped, I am getting stronger and healthier and my bad habits are getting changed out. It's a change I celebrate and I'm looking forward to more.

Prayer to be led

As a pastor, I am often in charge. I'm generally good at being in charge. The only trouble is that when it comes to following, I'm so used to leading that I don't always follow well. That was true this last week and so I wrote this prayer:

Gracious Lord,
Teach me to follow. Give me a humble spirit to be led and taught by others. Help me to lead where you are calling. Help me to step back so that others might grow as your leaders.
In Jesus' name,
amen.

And then you have to do it again

Two days ago I did my first run in training for a half marathon.  Not being a runner, it very easily could have been my last.  It wasn't bad by any stretch, but I wasn't automatically fit and ready to run 10 more either.  Not that that was surprising.  

So today, I had to get out again.  It was late in the day, after work, after dinner, after Ruth's bedtime and Rick invited me to sit and watch a show, something that I would normally do as we decompress after the day.  But I declined and said I needed to run again, otherwise I knew it might a week or two or three before I got out again.  If you lose the momentum, it's hard to gain it back.  So I suited up and got ready. Rick had downloaded a training app for me so he got me hooked up and I was off on my run.  5 minutes of warm up walking. 1 minute run. 1.5 minutes walking, over and over until 20 minutes of run/walk was accomplished and then a 5 minute cool down.  It even syncs with itunes so you have music and it prompts you of when to run and when to walk. 

Half way through I stopped at the church to look for something and ended up talking with a homeless man for a few minutes.  I was sore when I started again and could feel the muscles that have been working to push my body along.  But I ran some more and finished day 2.   And all told it wasn't bad.  I even ran longer than I needed to simply because I could.  


I still have a long way to go in my training, but I've started and I'm ready to keep going.  

I was looking for a picture to include with this post since pics make everything more interesting and came across this one which is probably closest to how I feel at this stage in training.

All in my head

I'm a really good runner.  In my head anyway.  I've known for a couple of months now that I wanted to do the LLS 1/2 marathon in January and that the official training starts in September. Not being a regular runner (who am I kidding a runner of any sort), I thought I should pre-train before the training.  (Sort of like pre-cleaning before someone else comes to clean your house).  I've been thinking that for 2 months now, really almost 3.  I should run.  But in my head, I'm in great shape. In my head getting out and running 3-5 miles is a cinch and getting up to 13 will be no problem at all.  That's in my head.  

Today, I pushed myself out the door to put my money where my mouth is and I got out to run.  I walked a bit with Rick and Ruth and then they headed back to the house and then I went to run and basically I did fartleks (run, walk, run) and fared ok for my 1.5 run walk.  I ran it (and walked it) and I did it.  But in reality, I am not what I am in my head.  I am not a good runner. I'm really not a runner at all. It takes persistence and focus and a ton of emotional and mental effort to get out and do it.  But today I did it.  Running a mile really isn't much. And for my age and health I should be able to do a lot more. But I don't do it and so I can't just pick up and do more.  

But I had to start somewhere. So I started with a mile and hopefully the next will be better and further and more running and less walking.  

It's a good discipline for me. It's something I can do, but I have to put my mind to it. I have to be intentional and dedicated and willing to sacrifice what's comfortable or normal to make it happen.  And that's what a discipline is.  And I have to (or get to) remind myself that that's how it started with the spiritual disciplines as well.  When I first started praying daily with intentionality, it cost me.  It took a lot of intentionalilty and focus. It did not come easily. I could not just pick up and pray and focus. My mind wandered to my to do list and my stressors, or I simply fell asleep.  I had to work at it for it to become comfortable and easy.  And I think this will be true for running too.  I will have to work at it. But if I can be dedicated enough to do it, it will come with practice.  

And frankly, even if I don't learn to love running, if I can stick with this it will be good for my body and will be good for LLS and helping to further the research.  And it'll be a good discipline to work on something that is asked of me and doing it even when I don't love it. 

Here's to the journey. Day 1 accomplished. 

A New Journey

A few months ago I was home for Mule Days and the baptism of a friend's children.  At the baptism party (also a birthday party for her dad), I was talking with Darci's sister who had gone to the hospital earlier in the day with cellulitis.  I've known the family since I was in preschool and have watched Kathleen grow up.  I've also known she had struggled with health issues while in college but didn't know what exactly was going on.  When she got back from the hospital we were talking and she shared that she had had cellulitis about a dozen times in the last year or two. She also shared that it's a biproduct of the leukemia and her treatments.  She shared that she is on an oral chemo therapy treatment that she takes daily. She shared that she will likely be on this medicine (or some other variation) for the rest of her life.  Kathleen also shared that this new medicine is much better than the old medicine and that there have been great advancements in the last few years with regard to the daily chemo meds.  She shared that when she was diagnosed the statistics were that with the medicine they had there was an 80% likelihood of death within 5 years of diagnosis, even with the medicine.  The advancements have been so great that now, with the new meds, there is an 80% likelihood of life 5 years after the diagnosis.  That turn around is huge.  And it spoke to me in a powerful way that the research DOES make a real and tangible difference.  Not just "some day" but NOW.  

Sharing with Kathleen inspired me.  I wanted to do something to help further the research and continue to help them improve the odds and quality of life for those living with leukemia.  So I am beginning a journey with Team in Training (TNT) with the Leukemia Lymphoma Society to train for a half marathon in January.  And in doing that, I have to say, I am NOT a runner.  I really do not enjoy it. But I think it's worth it.  And there are some bonuses.

1) It helps Kathleen and others like her who are hoping for great strides in the medical world to help them have a better life.

2) It helps me get healthy.

3) It's becoming a spiritual discipline.  Yes, I know, it's physical. But for me. the "spiritual" things like prayer, Bible study, meditation and worship come easily.  I don't have to work to make them a part of my life.  By regular exercise (beyond walking) without external accountability (like paying $200 for a class and needing to get my money out of it) causes me to be much more disciplined and it gives me time to think and process and pray.  

All of that means you'll be seeing a lot more posts about exercise and balance and new habits and struggles around here. 

More than a sound bite

A few weeks ago I was talking with my dad and he mentioned a story that I had read on Facebook.  Oddly, my first inclination was not to listen more attentively to hear the rest of the story, my first thought was “Oh yeah, yeah, I read about that.”  I didn’t say anything, but kept on listening and found that I didn’t actually know the story. All I knew was the sound bite. I knew the simple sentence summary of what had happened, but I didn’t actually know the story.  And it hit me, I’ve become complacent, comfortable even, with only knowing the sound bite.  The busyness of life has made it so I don’t have long car rides where I call to catch up with friends.  My evenings are mostly dedicated to family time (unless of course I’m at a church meeting) and so I don’t hear the long narratives of my most beloved friends very often. I only see the sound bites, or the occasional picture, and the truth of the matter is I’m missing out. 

So I’ve slowed down my Facebook usage.  I don’t scroll as often and I don’t post as often.  I feel like others have fallen into the same trap, assuming they know me because they read my one sentence summary of my vacation or my week or my struggle.  But they don’t know the real story, they don’t know the fullness of what is happening or how I’m feeling, and that leaves me feeling like they don’t know me.  If you’re a friend (or even family for that matter) I don’t say any of this to be accusatory or condescending.  I say it because I think you are more than a sound bite.  And I want to know more than the simple sentence summary. 

Most days I don’t regret not having a commute.  I love being able to be home in 5 minutes or back to the church in a flash if I have to. But there are other days when I wish I had an hour each way to sit and talk with a friend and catch up on life and family and ministry.  I miss those long talks.  I miss the time of being together despite the distance that separates us.  And I miss knowing more than a sound bite. 

If I were to wax theological, I would say that our relationship with God often falls into similar patterns.  Often the sound bites (the short prayers before a meal, the quick online sermon or the one hour in worship) feel sufficient.  We know a little bit and so it feels like we know something real, we know enough. And yet, if we stop to think about it, we don’t know the whole story, all we know is the sound bite.  Knowing “God loves you” or “God wants more from you” feels sufficient to get us through the week. But if we let that be our pattern, if we let that be sufficient for long enough, we find that we are missing something greater.  In essence the sound bites fool us into losing touch.  They fool us into believing that our relationship can survive at a bare minimum.  And the truth is that that’s a lie. Our relationships cannot withstand the hardships of life or even celebrate the truth breadth of joy if all we have is the simple sentence summary.  We need more. We need more from each other and we need more from God.  

I'm not trying to knock Facebook.  I appreciate the ways it has connected me with people and lives that I probably wouldn't have sought after if left to life pre-social media.  I love seeing the pictures in particular.  I like seeing friends and their kids and feeling connected in a way that's more sustained than once a year for a visit or a holiday.  But I also think it has it's dangers. It can lead us to feel more connected than we are and then when we seek out depth of relationship in a time of need, we find ourselves coming up short and even feeling let down by a lack of response on Facebook.  Not that friends shouldn't respond, but maybe we need to take time to invest in some deeper sharing more often.