Thursday, February 9, 2012

To continue or not to continue

Recently I've been thinking a lot about blogging. And honestly, I've been thinking about how infrequently I blog.  In the past I have found blogging to be cathartic and helpful.  In the present, I have a desire to write, but often feel like "I can't put that out there for the world to read."  Whether it's work related or personally related, I feel like life has gotten much more complicated and relationships have gotten much deeper, meaning there is a lot more of life that is off limits. 

So, now I am in a period of discernment.  Is the blogging worth it?  I have been working on compiling a Lenten devotional book and have considered using various past posts and have enjoyed what I wrote and feel like that type of inspiration has been missing in life, so then I wonder if it's worth it for me to continue writing.  

I need inspiration. I need ideas.  I need parts of my life that aren't overly vulnerable so that I can feel free in sharing.  

I've been reading for a couple of years now and really enjoy Heather's posts.  In recent weeks she has shared about her separation from her husband and how hard that has been. I admire her vulnerability in sharing with the online community. I sometimes wish I had that same freedom.  I realize it's not always a blessing, it can be a curse to have the whole world "up in your stuff".  Even now I sometimes resent how visible my life is to people in the church, and I guess that's part of why I don't feel safe in sharing more.  I want some part of my life left for me, some part where people don't know what is happening, some part that is separate and my own.