Monday, August 27, 2018

2 year anniversary

Dear Mom,
I miss you. A LOT. Some days it feels like I could just call you up and ask your advice, or that we'll see you on the next visit. And other days I get hit with a ton of're not here and you won't be here. And I should have appreciated you more. Seen all that you did with greater clarity. And Lord knows I should have asked more questions. You were so smart. So learned. You understood people and systems and things. And I wish I had you here. I don't have another you. 

Grief stinks. Ok, so maybe it doesn't. It helps you move through all the emotions and remember  the people you love. it can humble you. Teach you. And make you more grateful. It can even help you live better, more appreciative for what you've lost, more attentive to those you still have. The part that stinks is the losing. More specifically the losing and not getting back.  

Friday was two years since you'd died. Approaching the anniversary didn't feel so bad. Even the day of was OK. Until the fatigue hit...the one that marks my grief in an odd way. I'd expect uncontrollable tears, but those only come when I write. Instead my grief comes as this crazy thick fatigue where I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm sure if you were here you'd know the science and physiology of it to explain it all to me. But instead I have my questions still unanswered.


Thursday, June 28, 2018


Holy One,
Draw us close to you.
Speak life into our lives.
Move the mountains of injustice in our world. 
Calm the storms of hate and fear.
Draw us together by the power of your Holy Spirit.
Build us up in humility and hope.
Guide our steps.
Give us courage to live like Jesus.
By the power of the One who was,
and is,
and is to come. 

Wednesday, June 27, 2018


Imminent and transcendent God, 
We welcome you to our church today.
Center our hearts and our minds.
Help us devote ourselves fully to you.
Help us surrender our agenda and our will to yours.
Send your Holy Spirit
to bless and convict us.
In Jesus' name we pray,

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Prayer of confession

Based on the temptation in the desert

Lord God,
We confess we have been tempted.
In the desert places where all we saw was all we didn't have and couldn't get.
In the high places where we needed you to show up, to know you are real, for you to take our side.
And on mountain tops where the world was ours for the taking.
We regret that sometimes we took the bait.
We chose short-lived satisfaction,
the things that tested you,
 and the successes that made us look good.
For all the times we failed to be faithful and choose you,
we ask for your forgiveness.

What you have to offer is so much greater and durable than the things of the world.
Help us to remember that.
Help us to cling to you.
Give us holy wisdom.
Give us self control.
Give us humility.
So that we may become more like Jesus with each choice we make.