Blue Night service

This was adapted from this
 
I left the original text is still there, just with the line through so you can decide for yourself what works best in your setting.

I did add a bit that deals with depression and loss other than grieving someone who died.  You will see my additions in brackets [   ]

May your service be blessed and full of healing and comfort!



Set in a prominent place in the sanctuary should be vase with water and dead, gray sticks coming out of it.  Each person, as they enter, shall be given a blue or purple carnation or rose.  These probably need to be ordered ahead of time, as most florists do not have them on hand.  Placed around the vase may be votive candles as well as the bread and cup for Communion.
The candles for the Advent wreath should be lit before the service.  If this service is held on the Longest Night, the fourth Advent candle – the candle of love has probably been lit.  Later in the service, each person will be invited to take the flame from the candle of love – which cannot be extinguished by death- and light a votive for the person/persons they mourn.  They then place a blue carnation in the vase amongst the dead sticks.  After all have placed in the vase, it becomes quite a beautiful winter arrangement.  This arrangement can be left in an inconspicuous place in the sanctuary for the Christmas Eve celebration.
Music can be used in this service, but as an undertone to set the mood.  If you have a musician available, then they can play calming music at the beginning of the service, and possibly some recognizable hymns (not Christmas carols) during Communion.  One song that is suggested can be played as a CD, but permission from the artist must still be granted.   I do not have the right to grant usage rights, it is merely a suggestion because I think it is a beautiful song.
Words of Welcome
The Advent season is one of wonder.  For so many it is a time of hopeful anticipation.  It is a season of promise.  The longer nights and the gray clouds seem to provide the perfect background for the lights and the tinsel.  The decorations are everywhere we turn.  For so many, this is a time of [expectancy and joy].  But for many of us, especially those of us gathered here, Christmas is a harsh reminder of life that once was.  So we gather not so much in hopeful anticipation, but in the cloud of despair.   While so many are ready to sing “Joy to the World,” we gather as those that mourn.   We gather now to carve out a time of quiet reflection.  We gather to shed tears if they come, to hold hands if they are available, and to know that we are not alone.  Whether this is the first Christmas without someone you love, or if you seem to be hurting from loss for as long as you remember, [w]e gather to be reminded that it is okay to mourn, even at Christmas.
Prayer for those that mourn at Christmas
[Lord] In this season of anticipation, we seek the comfort of the Holy Spirit.  We ask for your blessing this night upon those that mourn, for the pain at Christmas seems sharper.  We remember the words of Jesus, who promised comfort to those that mourn.  All around us are reminders of the joy that the world tells us we are supposed to be feeling.  Forgive us, O God, for not joining in the celebration with our whole hearts.  Guide us now, O Holy One, that we may move in still small steps from mourning to comfort.  Help us to find healing in the midst of the pain, and order in the midst of chaos.  Lighten our burden.  Give us rest.  Amen
Song – “Come to Me,” by Christopher Grundy (or another song) O Come O Come Emmanuel
Words of Grace
The Lord is merciful and gracious; slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to the faithful.  For the Lord knows our frame, and remembers that we are dust.  But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon the faithful, and the righteousness of the Lord to children’s children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. (Psalm 103: 8, 13-14, 17-18)
Matthew 11:28-30 (Common English Version)
“Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest.  Put on my yoke, and learn from me.  I’m gentle and humble.  And you will find rest for yourselves.  My yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is light.”

Romans 8:38-39

New International Version (NIV)

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 14:1-4, 16-20, 25-27  (Common English Version)
“Don’t be troubled.  Trust in God. Trust also in me.  My father’s house has room to spare.  If that weren’t the case, would I have told you that I’m going to prepare a place for you?  When I go to prepare a place for you, I will return and take you to be with me so that where I am you will be too.  You know the way to the place I’m going…
I will ask the Father, and he will send another Companion who will be with you forever.  This Companion is the Spirit of Truth, whom the world can’t receive because it neither sees him nor recognizes him.  You know him, because he lives with you and will be with you.  I won’t leave you as orphans.  I will come to you.  Soon the world will no longer see me, but you will see me.  Because I live, you will live too.  On that day you will know that I am in my Father, you are in me, and I am in you…
I have spoken these things to you while I am with you. The Companion, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I told you.  Peace I leave with you.  My peace I give you.  I give to you not as the world gives.  Don’t be troubled or afraid.”
Words of Reflection (From “Longest Night” from the blog http://fatpastor.me)
On Christmas Eve churches everywhere will be filled with happy people.  The lights will be on, the poinsettias arranged, the sweaters will be bright, and the smiles will be wide.  People will gather in the pews and sing the traditional carols, hear the Christmas story, and light candles.  Millions on Christmas Eve night will rise and sing “Joy to the World.”
Many of those same people that will rise and sing on December 24 will go to bed on December 21 and face the longest night of the year in despair. There will be many that lie down wondering, “Where is the joy?”  For people that are hurting, struggling, or mourning, the longest night of the year is so very long.
The bills have not been paid, the credit debt is mounting, and work is hard to come by.  The night is so very long.
My [grandmother died this year].  Christmas won’t be the same.  I miss her smile.  I miss her words of wisdom.  I miss her so much, and the night is so very long.
[One young man shared: my choices have not been the best lately, for a few years actually.  It started with a few drinks, and then a few more.  And then the few became a pack a day.  I didn’t really see it getting bad, I guess the beer helped me not to see.  And then things started to fall apart.  Work wasn’t good. Family wasn’t good. Friends didn’t want to hang out much anymore.  And I started to see.  So now I see.  And what’s before me is a big mess, hardly something to be celebrated.  I’m here.  I’m sober. I give thanks for that.  But a joyful Christmas seems pretty far away at this point, but the nights are still so long.]
[One man shared] For the last 53 Christmases I have been with my [wife].  [she] held me in [her] arms as we watched the children, then the grandchildren, open their presents.  [She] made hot cocoa every Christmas morning.  I do not even know the recipe, and the night is so very long.
[It just hurts, I don’t really know why.  But I’m sad and I’m tired and I don’t want to get out and do things.  Everything takes so much energy and my heart is heavy.  There’s no one thing I could blame it on. I wish I could, at least then I could try and fix it. Instead, I’m just here sad, lonely, and depressed. And the night is so long].
[One woman shared] the onesies I got for Christmas last year are put in a box in the attic.  Never worn.  Never held.  I miss my child and I never held him in my arms, and the night is so very long.
The night can be so very long.  The night can be so very dark and cold.
Some say that everything happens for a reason.  God is in control, and has a plan.  But what kind of God could plan such things?  Is this the God that I am supposed to celebrate?  Is this the God that I am supposed to worship?  How can I sing “Joy to the World,” when there is none in my own heart?
Christmas does not mean everything is okay.  Christmas did not end the sadness, the pain or the despair.  For those that are hurting at Christmas, I hope you know that you are not alone.  I do not offer you simple platitudes.  I do not offer you easy answers.  All I can offer you is my love and God’s compassion.
I don’t think that everything happens for a reason.  I think there are terrible things that happen every day that God did not plan. If it this were not so, then why would Jesus ask us to pray for God’s will to be done? I also think that God gives us the power and the grace to overcome even the worst that can happen.  God gives us the chance to heal and be healed; to feed and be fed; to love and be loved.
The longest night can be so very long.  Christmas does not end the night, but it gives us hope for the dawn.
[In just two days], it will be into the longest night of the year.  Take this time, and claim it, but do not linger here.  Know that [soon] the night[s] will be shorter.  Know that soon, the light of God will break through.  Know that on Christmas, God broke through the chaos.  Know that on Christmas, God came to life so that we may have life abundant and life eternal. [And fortunately, God is not bound by our calendar.  So Christmas, in God’s terms, God with us, revealed in us, happens every day in some way for someone somewhere.  Our Christmas may be December 25^th, or it might be the 23^rd, or it might be January 4^th, or February 5^th.  We can’t plan that calendar, but we can look forward to Christmas coming and God breaking through the darkness and chaos in our own lives].
We gather here today to acknowledge that our pain is real.  We acknowledge that death has its place in the world, but it is not in a place of triumph.  Death has been swallowed up in victory.
Act of Remembrance and Communion
We gather in this place with signs all around.  The Advent wreath has been lit, with the lights of hope, peace, joy, and love already lit as we prepare the way of the coming of Jesus.  If, as the Bible says, God is love, and God is eternal, then love is eternal as well.  Tonight, we are reminded that nothing can extinguish the candle of love.  The love that God has for us is steadfast and endures forever.  The love that we have for those we mourn cannot be extinguished by death.
In front of us are sticks.  This collection of dead sticks is here as a reminder that we are always surrounded by death.  The cycle of life to death is in all of creation.  When you entered, you were given a blue carnation[lavender rose] .  This [rose] is a sign of those persons, situations, relationships, and things you mourn. for whom you mourn.  Blue is a traditional color for sadness.  It is also a traditional color for the Advent season.  These [roses] remind us that even as we prepare for Christ’s coming, there is room for the human reality of sadness.
Also in front of us are the bread and the cup.  These are the elements of our Lord’s Last Supper.  It was a supper he shared with his disciples when he knew that his life on earth was coming to an end.  The bread, which is for us the body of Christ, is broken.  It reminds us of our human frailty, and of our unity as the Body of Christ.  The cup, which is for us the blood of Christ, is shed.  It reminds us of the Christ’s death on a cross, and of the forgiveness that is offered to all.
On this, the longest night of the year [night], we are reminded of just how dark the world can be.  Yet it was into this dark world that Christ was born.  It was in the midst of death and destruction that a child came so that we may have life.  We gather at Christ’s table in remembrance of the birth, ministry, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  We remember that Jesus walked with us as the Word of God made flesh.
He healed the sick, fed the hungry, forgave the afflicted, comforted the mourning, worked for justice, and wept for his friends.  He proclaimed that the Kingdom of God is at hand, and calls all people to enter with rejoicing.  He came so that we may have life, and have it abundantly, and he invites us all into life eternal.    By the baptism of his love, compassion, suffering, death, and resurrection Christ gave birth to his Church, delivered us from slavery to sin and death, and made with us a new covenant by water and the Spirit.
When Jesus gathered with his disciples, he took the bread, gave thanks to God, broke the bread, gave it to his disciples and said, “Take eat, this is my body which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”
When the supper was over Jesus took the cup, gave thanks to God, gave it to his disciples and said, “Drink from this, all of you; this is my blood of the new covenant, poured out for you and for many for the forgiveness of sins.  Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.”
And so, in remembrance of these mighty acts of Jesus Christ, we offer ourselves in praise and thanksgiving as a holy and living sacrifice, in union with Christ’s offering for us.
Pour out your Holy Spirit on us gathered here, and on these gifts of bread and grape.  Make them be for us the body and blood of Jesus Christ, that we may be for the world the body of Christ, redeemed by Christ’s blood. By your spirit make us one with Christ, one with each other, one with the great communion of saints, one with the great cloud of witnesses, and one in ministry to all the world, until Christ comes in final victory, and we all feast at his heavenly banquet.  Through your Son Jesus Christ, with the Holy Spirit, in your Holy Church, all honor and glory is yours now and forever, and so with the confidence of children we pray:
“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.  Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen”
Come now to the table of Christ, for all things are ready.  After you receive the bread and the grape juice, please pick up a votive candle and light it from the candle of Love.  You may also then place your [rose] into the vase.
(I summarized the last supper. I know this isn’t kosher for some folks who believe the whole liturgy needs to be read.  I’m not that Orthodox.  I did offer the prayer asking for the bread and juice to be transformed and for us to be transformed as a part of it. I simply had people come for communion, then separated out the other parts with the roses and the votives)

[The roses are a reminder of love, of hope, of new life.  And so we place them in the middle of the dead branches to remind ourselves that death never has the final word.  In a moment, I invite you to come and place your hope (rose) into the vase.  After (or before), I invite you to come and light a candle, or two, or three, for those you mourn]
Blessing and Sending Forth
This arrangement, which was once barren and gray, was only a reminder of death, [barreness and sadness].  Now it is something beautiful.  It is a reminder that God take all things and make them new.  Death [and loss and sorrow are] is a part of our human experience.  It was a part of Jesus’ human experience.  But[ it] death is never the final chapter.  The despair of death may last, but we are never called to linger on it.  Go now into the night knowing that you need not go alone, [Christ goes with you and understands your pain]. Go now into the night knowing that the dawn is coming.  Go now into the night knowing that love endures forever.  Go now into the night knowing that the Christ child will come.  Go now, and may the peace of Jesus Christ, the peace that surpasses all understanding, be with you.  Amen.

My Favorite Things Parody

For the last couple of years, we have had joint charge conferences within our mission area.  While I appreciate the time together, I don't always appreciate the lengthy, often random, last minute reporting that happens from each church. This year, I requested, on behalf of parishioners, that we keep it short and sweet.  We had seemingly agreed and then the day of I received an email encouraging us to do a power point (something we agreed NOT to do), a drama, or something else fun.  I was a bit annoyed.  I thought about having various folks share and figured that would take far too long.  So, I decided to go a different route entirely.  I rewrote the lyrics to "My Favorite Things" and we sang our report.  Lyrics are below. 

Path of Life feedings & Sunday morning breakfast

Thanksgiving Dinner, & Showers for the homeless,

Servants in ev-er-y ministry field

These are a few of our favorite things

Fellowship, worship, and then Bible study

Nursery repainting and buildings with roofing

 NA & AA & Karate too

These are a few of our favorite things

Bell choir and praise team and Chancel choir

Youth testimonies and liturgical dancing

 All of our laity doing these things

These are a few of our favorite things

When the pipes burst

When the mic fails

When there’s graffiti

We simply remember our favorite things

And then we don’t feel so bad.

The *big* ones can take it

R is not a small man.  He's 6'5" tall and could easily be a lineman.  I won't reveal his weight here, but let's just say he likes my cooking.  Anyway, one thing I've noticed is that people tend to take jabs at him, physically and emotionally, without really thinking twice about it.  It seems that the assumption is that because he is big, he can take it.  In reviewing my own assumptions, I find that I, too, am prone to think that someone who is big could take a hit better than someone small.  And, physically, that may be true, but emotionally there's not really grounds for that.  

After receiving a few emotional blows myself in the last few weeks, I've wondered why it is that certain people have few reservations about emotional low blows against the pastor.  And all I came up with was that my position lends itself to *big* thinking.  I mean, people see me as *big* because of my position and so, therefore, I can take a hit more readily than the next guy (or gal).  (If you have trouble making the mental leap, think of the president, or any other official...their position has been interpreted as implying free reign for anyone and everyone to take cheap shots and pot shots.  Not that they shouldn't be held accountable, but people easily move beyond that without hesitation).

I do think that people in public positions need to have a reasonable degree of "thick skin" in order to deal with the day to day demands of such work without taking things too personally.  At the same time, I don't think it's reasonable for people to throw low blows (emotionally, spiritually, professionally) with the expectation that one should just take it. 

I guess what I'm saying is that we should be gentle with people, regardless of their size or their stature or their position.  

18 months and counting

 Our little girl is getting big!  She's wearing one of grandma Sue's dresses here.

Waiting on the third strike

Lately in the church, we've started to make some (more) changes to worship.  The worship committee met in September and wanted to mix some things up.  So, we did.  And I caught a good bit of flack for it.  Some folks are begging for the church to grow, and others don't see that change is a necessary part of that, or maybe simply don't want things to change.  

It has been wearing on me, to say the least.  In a discussion about it a few weeks ago, someone asked how many people are really frustrated with the changes.  I thought probably only 2-3%. Which is sort of ironic since the 2-3% make 90% of the complaints.  

Sometimes it helps to have perspective.  

With that, we created a chart of sorts that helped us see that there are probably a couple folks on either end of the spectrum, those that are over the moon with the changes, those on the other end of the spectrum that totally hate what is happening, and then various groups in the middle.  For the folks totally opposed to what is happening, we indicated that they have 2 strikes against us. And for many of them, they are waiting for the third strike.  The folks in the next group over have 1 strike against us.  If we don't attend to the strike (read: resentment, hurt, neglect, offense) then they can easily move into the 2 strike range.  But if we do mend what is broken, we can erase the current strike against us (read: the church) and hopefully grow together toward the future God has for us.  

Those opposed to the changes in worship aren't the only 2 strike folks, we have others who have been hurt or forgotten by the church. They too have 2 strikes against us.  Some folks are hoping for a home run, and others are convinced we won't get it right and are waiting for the third strike to happen. 

As a pastor, it's an awkward and taxing place to be in ministry.   We want people to be a part of the community and to feel welcome and comfortable.  Most of us don't want anyone to leave the church on bad terms.  That being said, erasing strikes is time and energy intensive work.  And you aren't guaranteed it will be effective.  

The other day, I took some time to talk to some 2 strike people from the church.  In many ways, I went into the conversation thinking it was a lost cause.  But from what was said, I think some of these folks needed to be wanted, remembered, and cared for.  It wasn't so much about the "strikes" being held, as it was the lack of attention to the hurts that were inflicted.  I don't know how these folks will respond in the long run, but I do know the conversations seemed more than worthwhile. 

Happy Halloween!

Stress levels

I don't know about you, but it's definitely a sign of overload in my world when the blogs I have to read via google reader total nearly 200...

oh how I miss down time...

Argghhh

In general, we don't allow our 17 month old, Ruth, to watch TV. But Ruth loves watching kids YouTube videos.  There are a couple we use regularly, and she seems to fixate on one for awhile and then after a month or so will want a new favorite. 

Her current favorite is this one.  Apparently she is so adept at pushing buttons on the phone that she managed to start a blog post to share it.  So, I figured I could help her out and finish the post.  Enjoy!

Disclaimer: it's fun the first time or two...by time 209, not as much...

Co-sleeping

Kaitlyn, someone who has started reading this blog, recently shared this article with me and I found it to be really helpful in engaging in the conversation around co-sleeping with your infant.  I appreciate that she distinguished between co-sleeping (sleeping near your infant) and bed-sharing (sleeping with your infant).  Both practices are incredibly common and recently with the fan-fare of the TIME article on attachment parenting, co-sleeping discussions are back in the news.  

As a parent, I assumed co-sleeping meant sleeping WITH your child.  In general, I was not a fan of the idea.  We did have Ruth with us on occasion, and then later, when nursing was easier, I would have her with me in the early morning.  But otherwise, if she was with us, I wasn't really sleeping.  So, we opted for the bassinet and later for the crib.  I also believe both of those practices to be the safest for our baby.  

I was actually intrigued to learn that co-sleeping isn't necessarily bed-sharing.  I'm not sure how wide-spread that notion is, but I find it helpful.  

I also think it's interesting that others have labeled me a mother who ascribes to "attachment parenting" when I hadn't even heard of it until Ruth was a year old.  I am a mother who does what I think is best for my child, though I don't think I prescribe to a particular model or technique.  (Although, truth be told, I am a HUGE proponent of Happiest Baby on the Block).  

I believe parents should do what is best for their child, and I believe that will be different for each child. I also believe parents should seek out information about how to care for their children, how to parent (in a variety of ways), child psychology, child development, and seek out wise and good examples for parenting.  Parenting is hard work and it can be easy to do what is easy or what your parents did without thinking about what habits or behaviors you might be forming or fostering for your child without even realizing.  What we do matters.  All of it.  And that shouldn't drive us to paranoia or insanity about each and every decision, but it should drive us to care about what we do and how we do it. 

Gratitude take 3

It's been a month and a half since I last posted a gratitude list. I think it's time to add a few more.
(I'm not sure what number I was on. I'll start with 50 and catch up if I need to)
50) a husband who has no problem cleaning the house
51) a really good dinner ready when I got home
52) self control
53) teaching the Bible
54) an intelligent, capable, and curious daughter
55) trusted friends
56) a little self indulgence
57) jacuzzi time
58) parents who pray with and for me/us
59) a loving church family

Posting ease

I regularly lament not having more time to blog. I simply don't have (make?) the time to do it. But now they make it accessible on your phone, and I finally downloaded the app. So maybe I have a chance to be a bit more regular in my writing. Here's to hope in all things being possible!

Fostering gratitude

A couple of months ago I decided I wanted to be more intentional about focusing on the blessings and good things in my life.  I did a couple of entries and then got side tracked from blogging, yet again.  So, here I am, back at it.  

31) A happy baby

32) a loving husband who teaches me to laugh, keep trying, and be a little less serious

33) the ability to stretch dollars to cover the bills

34) the blessings of family that has given me/us so much

35) vacation

36) true sabbath

37) time at my favorite, most sacred place

38) our month of sabbath rest at the church

39) modern medicine

40) a doctor who is attentive and helpful

41) fresh fruit from the orchard

42) fresh veggies from the garden

43) yummy recipes

44) a husband who cooks

45) dessert

46) time with friends

47) second chances

48) the power of grace and forgiveness

49) capable parents who parented well

50) my siblings and their families

A little like sin

I have been battling a rash on my hand for 8 months now.  It's not contagious, it's just red, inflammed, itchy, and sometimes painful.  My general practitioner gave me one diagnosis and said that since I was breastfeeding there wasn't really anything he could do.  So I have endured it, and endured it, and endured it. And it has steadily gotten worse.  I've had different people take guesses about what it is.  Excema. Psoriosis. Rosacea. Allergy related. Glutten related.  I've tried all kinds of lotions, and some creams and nothing really helps. 

 It seems to be triggered the most by certain foods: breads, peanuts, pineapple, tomatoes, citrus fruits.  And as someone who has been free to eat what she wants for 30+ years, cutting ALL of those things out has been less than appealing.  I have cut back, and noticed some improvement at times, but then I'll eat something else, that I didn't expect to have an affect, and have a reaction, which just makes abstinence from other foods even less appealing. I mean, if I eat pineapple and have a reaction, then why not eat a biscuit too.  After all, suffering is suffering, right?!  

All the while that I debated abstaining from certain foods or not, I couldn't help but think there is a correlation to how we think about sin. Think of it this way: There is something in your life that is causing a problematic reaction in your life.  You think you know what it might be but you're not 100% positive. So, you mostly cut out the alleged culprit, but then you still have negative stuff happening, so you dabble with assumed enemy number 1 again.  After all, it might not be enemy number 1 and then you'd be missing out on the "good stuff" without cause.  But then you have more trouble. So, you're tempted (but only tempted) to think enemy number 1 might actually have a role to play.  So you do your best to avoid it.  Most of the time anyway.  But you're still tempted.  I mean it really is SO good.  Who could resist?  All the while, your troubles spread and are only getting worse.  You've considered getting help, but you've also been told help is futile. So you keep suffering, and keep dabbling, occasionally.  

And then you have to ask yourself,  

how much longer can I let this go on? 

 How much worse will it have to be before I become convinced there is a problem?

If I knew that enemy #1 was the source, would I finally deal with the negative effects in my life?  

 And after asking those questions, I decided I really did need the help of a professional. Today I was finally able to see a dermatologist, which was semi helpful. He gave me 3 different diagnoses and 3 different treatments, and he isn't sure about what I might be allergic to, only suggested an allergist might be helpful.  So, I have medicines to try and I'll go back in 6 weeks. 

Attitude of Gratitude take 2

Obviously I need to work on consistency, but here are some more things for which I give thanks.

11) a super amazing trustee chair

12) finally having the church parsonage rented

13) awesome youth who are willing to help from taking out trash to leading at VBS

14) a husband who is incredibly gifted and always willing to help me

15) fresh fruit from the trees

16) summer squash

17) home-canned fruit

18) homemade jam

19) friends moving closer

20) opportunities to help

21) a nice long nap

22) my family

23) our dogs

24) living in a city with lots of options

25) strength of the faithful in the church

26) a new woman in church who has years of experience in ministry and was more than ready to be a prayer partner

27) new visitors in worship

28) competent and helpful laity

29) the opportunity to overhaul the church nursery

30) a brother in law who is willing to be our on-call doctor

Do not worry

The other day, I met a friend for coffee.  We were sitting outside at Starbucks and she noticed a woman behind me and said she wanted to talk to her. I asked why and she said, "I don't know, she just looks sad. I want to hear her story."  I encouraged her to go, but she refused.  We talked further and a few more times throughout our conversation, she looked at the woman and repeated her curiosity about her situation.  I continued to tell her she should talk to her if she felt compelled to do so. Again and again, she declined.  

As we were saying our goodbyes, I went inside to wash Ruth's hands.  As we headed toward the door, we saw the woman sitting inside us and she commented on how beautiful Ruth is.  I thanked her and had Ruth wave hello.  Then we played a few games to get Ruth to smile and carried on with pleasantries.  The woman again commented on how pretty Ruth is and then said a blessing for health and happiness over her.  She blessed me as well and I returned the blessing.  

Outside I said goodbye to my friend and went on my way.  Later that afternoon I received a voicemail from my friend saying she had gone inside and talked to the woman and she shared the details of their conversation, part of which was that the woman had told her to tell me, "Tell her everything will be ok. Do not worry."  My friend explained she had told the woman nothing about me, only that the woman had shared this divine wisdom.  

I was truly blessed.  Things haven't been awful lately, but they haven't been wonderful either and they have definitely been stress filled.  And I needed to hear those words.

I have only had a couple of prophecies told to me over the years.  The first was in Cuba in 2003, the second 2.5 years ago about R and me, and now this one.  This woman was a gift to me.  And I can't help but think that my friend's compulsion to talk to her wasn't for the woman's sake, but for mine. 

Gratitude list

A friend of mine from seminary has been working on a gratitude list for months now.  I read it and appreciate all the things for which she gives thanks.

Often, in recent weeks (months) I’ve found myself more full of complaints than praises and instead of continuing to wait for the perfect series of events to satisfy my frustrations, I think it’s time I start focusing on the things for which I am grateful.  I’d like to pledge to do 10 or 20 per week, but since I have a hard time getting on here to write anything, that may be a but lofty, but I’ll do what I can….

1.      A daughter who loves to laugh
2.    A dog that cuddles when I’m upset
3.   A husband who is amazing at getting the house clean in record time 
4.    The gift of being able to nurse my daughter without physical struggles
5. Church office volunteers who love my daughter and don’t mind when she interrupts their work
6.  The flexibility to try new things in worship 
7.   Homemade spaghetti sauce
8.     Awesome homemade sticky buns
9.  JW who called for coffee just to catch up
10. A nice long afternoon walk

Attachment Parenting

A couple of weeks ago, TIME magazine published this article.  The picture is particularly provactive (and was meant to be) of this mother nursing her 3 year old son.  

I read a handful of comments about it on Facebook and a brief summary of the article and then hoped to get the article myself to read it beginning to end.

Well, a few days later, I had my chance, though not in the ways I expected.  I had someone confront me about how offended they were that I nurse Ruth at church/at work/in public.  And after she shared her concern about my *impropriety*, she handed me a copy of the TIME magazine and said that after reading the article, she understood where I was coming from.  The conversation didn’t go much beyond that. I thanked her for her courage to share her opinion with me and we left it at that.

At home, I processed the conversation with some loved ones and tried to figure out just how to respond and what my further actions should be as far as nursing at church/at work/in public.  I also had a chance to read the article which talked about Attachment Parenting,. 

And while I do some of the things prescribed by attachment parenting folks (like breastfeeding and baby wearing) I had actually heard nothing of this theory of parenting before I read the article. And the reason I do those things is because they are healthy, they are natural, and the make life easier.   I also have my daughter with me pretty much full time (even while working).  Part of this is by choice, and part of this is by necessity.  It's not because I'm trying to be some gung-ho attachment mom, but because I like being with my daughter, and most often, I need to have her with me because there aren't other options.  And yes, I think having her with me more time than not also happens to be one of the best things for her development.  (It should also be noted that my church members LOVE her and often ask that I bring her with me).  

Parenting is a complicated thing.  And as a new parent (maybe even as a seasoned one) you get advice from all sides of the spectrum.  Sometimes it's worth something, sometimes it's not.  And each of us does the best we can with what we have, who we are, and what we know. 

I don't think there is one particular parent "type" that is best.  Whether it's Spock, Ferber, Karp, or Sears, I don't think any of them gets it all right or all wrong.  They just get it...it takes a lot to raise a kid, and you should try to be informed, encouraging, and choosing what is best for your child as you can. 

Fighting with grace

Aside from the dreamt scenario I wrote about yesterday, fighting (verbally, emotionally, physically) in any situation takes discernment.  I think so anyway.  I'm not the type to fight physically (never have, God willing, never will) and I am not the type to yell and scream, though regrettably, I can pack a mean verbal punch.  Emotionally, politically (in the church), I can fight. And sometimes we are forced to fight, other times we are simply tempted to fight.  

For instance: Someone starts saying slanderous things about you, gossiping throughout the church or community and threatening to ruin your leadership, your reputation, or the respect you have from others.  In some instances, you can fight. In some instances you have to fight.  In other instances, it's best to hold your tongue and ignore the incendiary comments.  "It would depend."  

Often when attacked in the work place it's very tempting to stand up and fight back, to argue that we are in the right, or argue "the truth." It can be particularly tempting to lash out and "put the other person in their place".  And yet, that's often the least productive response.  I learned a few years ago, sometimes it is best to respond with grace, no matter how hard it is, because the truth will come out in the end.  It may not be as immediate of a resolution as we would like, but the truth will come out.  And you will be known for rising above the chaos and handling yourself (and the other person) with respect and dignity.  And that will count for a lot.

You would fight wouldn't you?

One morning R shared that he had had a bad dream...a nightmare where I had been raped.  In the dream, I told him that I hadn't fought off the attacker because he told me I could live if I didn't fight. So I chose life and didn't fight.

In the real life conversation, he pleadingly asked, "You would fight, wouldn't you?!" I shrugged my shoulders and said, "It would depend."

I pray that I never have to know the pain and anguish of rape (physically, emotionally, or spiritually). I have worked with enough survivors to know that it is awful. I've also worked with enough survivors to know, "it would depend."  Most of us, if not all of us, would think that we would be able to fight.  and win.  But that isn't always the case.  And there are very real situations where a victim is faced with a choice, life or abuse.  As much as I wouldn't want to choose abuse (I use that term VERY loosely since I do not believe it is a true choice, only sometimes a choice between the lesser of two evils, which is no choice at all), I would want to choose life.  Maybe in a different scenario, I would see an out, I would have a chance, or be willing to risk it and fight.  I don't think that knowledge or that decision can be foretold or preplanned, it is simply something that has to be judged in the moment.  

It all depends. 

To continue or not to continue

Recently I've been thinking a lot about blogging. And honestly, I've been thinking about how infrequently I blog.  In the past I have found blogging to be cathartic and helpful.  In the present, I have a desire to write, but often feel like "I can't put that out there for the world to read."  Whether it's work related or personally related, I feel like life has gotten much more complicated and relationships have gotten much deeper, meaning there is a lot more of life that is off limits. 

So, now I am in a period of discernment.  Is the blogging worth it?  I have been working on compiling a Lenten devotional book and have considered using various past posts and have enjoyed what I wrote and feel like that type of inspiration has been missing in life, so then I wonder if it's worth it for me to continue writing.  

I need inspiration. I need ideas.  I need parts of my life that aren't overly vulnerable so that I can feel free in sharing.  

I've been reading dooce.com for a couple of years now and really enjoy Heather's posts.  In recent weeks she has shared about her separation from her husband and how hard that has been. I admire her vulnerability in sharing with the online community. I sometimes wish I had that same freedom.  I realize it's not always a blessing, it can be a curse to have the whole world "up in your stuff".  Even now I sometimes resent how visible my life is to people in the church, and I guess that's part of why I don't feel safe in sharing more.  I want some part of my life left for me, some part where people don't know what is happening, some part that is separate and my own.

A pastor's prayer

R's father was a pastor. He died nearly 4 years ago now.  We have inherited various things from him: commentaries, books, shirts, knick knacks, a desk, fishing gear, and more. One of the most sacred (in my mind) things we have is his old journals.  I don't know where he got them but he had at least a dozen red leather journals marked with the year. They have one page for each day of the year and he wrote faithfully.  They are less like journals where he shared all his thoughts and did a written monologue, and more like his daily prayers.

There were definitely days he missed, but he was quite regular in writing his prayers.  It is touching to read through and see his heart as he prayed for church issues, church families, and that God would guide him in his ministry.  

I have journaled for years. It started as a habit in 6th grade when it was required.  To date, I have over 40 journals.  They used to be all about life.  Now they are a mix of sermon prep, personal writing, and prayers.  I have told my best friend that if I die, she is supposed to find them and burn them. But now that I have a daughter, there is part of me that thinks down the line it would be cool for her to have those to look back on.  Some things are deeply personal and I'd rather no one read them (hence the request for them to burned), but once I'm dead it probably won't matter much.  ;)  

Someone close to R's dad has said his journals should be burned, but we would hate to lose those memories and prayers of his.  In a way, it is a way of connecting with him on a deeper level (both professionally and personally) even though we never met.  

Thank you Steve for your faithfulness, your ministry, and your prayers.

A Little Weary

I love Christmas! Each year, right after Thanksgiving, I haul out the Christmas decorations and dress up the house. I put up the tree and use my Christmas dishes all year long. This year as I decorated, I thought, "Why don't I keep the decorations up since I love them so much?" But I immediately knew if I did that, they would lose some of their power to transform my home. 

Normally, I get so excited to entertain and create worship services, but this year, something is missing.  Life has been full of changes with the addition of Miss Ruth and the purchase of a new home, and work has been tiring because it has been stressful and some people in the church have done and said some pretty hurtful things. I just don't have the drive.  I wish I did. I wish I had the energy for it, but these days, mostly, I just push myself to do it because I know it needs to be done.  

I'm hoping for a renewal of energy and creativity. 

Dear Lord, please inspire me to lead and love your people this holiday season. Amen.