You should write a book

Sunday, after I greeted everyone in the reception line, one parishioner came back to talk with me.  He was very kind and told me I have a way with words.  He added that he really appreciates my preaching, both on Sunday mornings, and at funeral services.  He told me I should write a book or do some memoirs.  I was flattered, and to be honest, a bit surprised since I felt like my sermon was sub par.  It’s amazing how God uses people to offer encouragement at the times when I feel ready to just throw up my hands.  It’s also amazing to me that God can use my words when I haven’t done the necessary preparation.  I told the parishioner that I blog, but he wasn’t quite satisfied with that as my medium…he wanted me to put it in print.  

Sunday was also a potluck Sunday, so after I locked up the church, I went to greet people and I saw this man again and he handed me a note card that read “Write a Book.”  Apparently he wanted to be sure I got the message.

I love volunteers

This year brought a lot of changes to my ministry. Not the least of which was having to cut 6 part time staff members and move to a volunteer based "staff".  Managing that level of change was demanding. There was a lot to do and organize so that each job could have someone step in and know what to do and how to do it and where to find necessary supplies.  It took us about 3 months to work fully through the transition and work out the major kinks.  And now, we have about 20 volunteers who come in weekly to help with everything from scrubbing toilets, to leading the choir, to children's ministries, to running the office.  And, most of our volunteers are regulars--they volunteer each week to do the same or a similar task.  And they do a wonderful job.  

As part of that transition and then getting ready for maternity leave, I had a lot to delegate.  And in delegating, I realized just how many things I had been doing.  And I realized how few things I had been delegating before it was "necessary".  In a lot of ways, I had been hindering the ministries of the church by not allowing more people to take part, and take leadership, in the various ministries that we do.

As I prepared to come back from maternity leave, I was afraid that many people would want to abdicate their responsibilities and I would be left returning to all of the administrative items that were eating up my time (and not feeding my soul in the ways that other ministries tend to).  Fortunately, kept doing what they were doing, and they did a great job.  Now we have folks swing by just to see if anything needs to be done. It's so awesome to see their willingness and to not have to do the things that suck your time away!

A good baby

I have been back at work for a month and a half now and while it's been good, it's also been challenging.  I am both working full time and caring for Ruth full time and it's been difficult.  By most accounts, Ruth is a great baby.  She is happy, sleeps well, eats well, and is healthy.  Her only "struggle" (and I'm not even sure that's the appropriate word) is that she can be particular about how she is held or who she is with.  Our phrase around here is "she makes you work for it." She sleeps well, but if she is overtired she will fight sleep, and will make you "work for it" to get her to sleep. Or, often, when being held, she doesn't want to simply be cuddled, she wants to be walked, and bounced and to have you stand her up and face her out so she can see everything around her.  This isn't as much a challenge for her as it is for those who want to hold her.  

She likes people and wants to watch people and will refuse to sleep if there are things to do and people to watch.  But there seems to be this crazy expectation from people that she will just pass from person to person and cuddle with whomever wants a "baby fix". And that's simply not the case.  I don't mind it because I don't think it's a flaw. I think she's just young and getting used to the world and all the people around her.  But it is sometimes difficult when I can't just hand her off to someone and have them hold her so I can do something.  Or, lots of folks, who think she should just be happy to cuddle, get hurt or frustrated when she starts to cry when they hold her.  It's hard to balance (and sometimes battle) the expectations of others. Especially since folks have this other idea that "church babies" are the most social of all.  

I don't like to disappoint people, and I feel like Ruth is an extension of me, and I don't want others to be disappointed by her (I said it that way intentionally, not that she is directly disappointing them, but that they are disappointed because their expectations aren't met).  But the reality is she's her own person and she does things her way and there's no wrong or right way about her way (not yet anyway...she's only 3 1/2 months old). 

I've come to somewhat loathe the notions of a "good baby" that people hold.  A good baby is one who is quiet, doesn't fuss, hardly cries, sleeps, eats, and is happy with anyone and everyone.  I know that logically people can't honestly believe that that's how babies are...babies cry--it's how they communicate, and not crying is not really a good thing, it's generally a sign that something big is wrong.  If you are honest about it, babies are babies and they are a lot of work (and a tremendous blessing) and they have their own personality, and they cry, and they fuss (even if they don't know why), and they sleep and they eat and they are changing so regularly that they aren't terribly predictable (other than needing to sleep and eat and be loved on).  Quite honestly, I think Ruth is perfect.  Not in the cultural sense of perfect--she's not flawless and she certainly doesn't make life "easy" for me. But she is a wonderful joy.  Just her smile can make all kinds of worries and frustrations melt away.  Even when she is terribly upset and almost inconsolable, she's perfectly wonderful.  It's not her fault I can't figure out what to do.  And once she does get fed and get some sleep (that's normally the best answer to anything!), she's happy as a clam and all smiles once again, as if the injustice and hardship of being overtired or overstimulated never even happened.  

She's wonderful and I wish people could simply see that without having a need to evaluate every fuss, every cry, every giggle for whether or not she is "good". She is good because God created her in God's image. She is perfectly and wonderfully made and there's no two ways about it.

Newborn care

Caring for a newborn can be challenging for a variety of reasons: you're tired, they need something all the time, and most of all: they can't tell you what they need.  It's hard trying to guess the need of your newest addition, and sometimes it's frustrating. We often imagine them being "difficult" on purpose.  And despite our pleas, they won't simply tell us what they want.  

Remember this: they don't know what's wrong either.  A newborn doesn't think in the ways you do. They feel, and mostly, early on, they know the feel good or they feel bad.  In these early days and weeks, if a baby feels good, he/she is sleeping, is quiet, or is smiling and taking in the world.  If he/she feels bad, he/she will fuss or cry. There's not a lot of discernment. 

Good feelings: full, well rested, amused, clean, freshly diapered.

Bad feelings: tired, hungry, hurt, pain, irritation, discomfort, gassy

So, as you care for your baby, take a deep breath, remember he/she isn't being difficult when they cry. They just feel bad and need your help.

Infant Care Tip

This idea came from my grandmother:

Before you cut your baby's nails, put a little baby powder in your hand and use their nails to scratch at the powder, so they get some under each nail.  The powder should make it easier to see how much you should cut.

Baby item ideas

I have a few friends who are expecting their first babies and I am so excited for them.  The other day, one of them said she was having trouble picking registry items, so I sent some unsolicited advice (is there any other kind for expectant parents?!?) about the items we love and use.  

These are my suggestions:

1)  we use g diapers (we used Newborn disposables for the first month or so b/c she was so small).  If you don't know anything about g diapers,here's the quick and dirty version. they are washable (though there is a biodegradable flushable option for the inner most part) and really easy to use and wash.  We inherited the small sizes, but for the medium, we just bought what we'd need and spent about $120, which we should be able to use for about 9 months depending on how quickly (or slowly) Ruth grows.  If we were using disposable, we would spend close to that EACH month...so if you don't mind doing a load of laundry extra per day, I'd recommend that route.  (As a note, if we had to go to the laundry mat, I would not want this option)

2) A church member/friend got us aden and anais blankets and I LOVE them so much we went back and got more at Target. here is their direct website but like I said, you can get them at Target. they are big and muslin, so they are lightweight for summer weather.  plus they are super cute.

3) we got a diaper warmer and thought it was a bit excessive, so we took it back, then we brought Ruth home and she screamed bloody murder at cold wipes, so we went and got it again! 

4) a friend gave us a sleep sheep and it is a LIFE SAVER! it has 4 different types of sounds for white noise and we use it at night when we put Ruth to sleep and when we traveled all over the state we used it in the car too and it was great. 

5) Ruth really likes the swing, we use it daily and besides my arms, it is the only place she will nap during the day...we were lucky and got ours from a friend, maybe you will get one at a shower or can borrow one from a friend?  (that being said, I know some folks have no luck with them...)

6) I don't know if you plan to breast feed or not, but if you do plan to breast feed, I would recommend cloth nursing pads for your bra (the disposable ones are crunchy and annoying to me, but I use them when I need to).  I would also recommend lansinol or medela lanolin lotion--it helps you keep your nipples from drying and cracking (and bleeding).  For nursing bras, I just get mine at Target (motherhood tends to be more expensive),  I recommend the simple (no underwire and no padding) ones...the padded ones are hard to fold down and the underwire tends to pop out (as underwire does).  The nursing tanks are also nice to sleep in or wear under stuff.  If you do nurse, know that it can be hard and painful at the beginning--even later (even though nursing coaches tend to tell you it doesn't).  If you are going to pump, you can get a pump through craigslist for a much better price (I got mine for $100 instead of $300) and you can sterilize the stuff...I asked my doctor about whether or not I needed new stuff and he said that sterilizing was cool. if you're not comfortable with that, you can always get the stuff (whatever parts or bottles you may need) at the store. 

7) get some burp rags, you'll need them!

8) If you haven't read it, I would HIGHLY recommend "Happiest Baby on the Block"--it's great for calming babies and getting them to sleep.  plus it's sound advice and philosophy that's really helpful (it seems to be the new go-to book for lots of parents)

9) I don't know what the official name for it is, I tried looking it up and can't find it, I inherited mine from a friend...but it's a baby sleeping wedge...actually there are two wedges, one for each side of the baby, with fabric that connects them--basically it fits on either side of the baby and snuggles him/her during the night so he/she can sleep.  If you can find one, I think they're worth it. 
 

10)  Lots of other things you may get plenty of...socks or bibs, or clothes, people LOVE baby clothes and can't help but buy them.  =)  we waited to see what we got and then took stuff back because we didn't need 20 (or even 12) pajamas for 0-3 months, so we took some back and got some of the older sizes.  for clothes, we don't use socks much...probably in winter we might, but newborn socks are fairly pointless in my book, and newborn shoes definitely are...if she doesn't kick them off, they don't get seen b/c she's swaddled, so we don't use shoes right now...(and I don't know if you've read or heard, but you should only use soft soles until the baby is 2, otherwise it's hard for them to learn to balance and walk...)

Yosemite

We had an amazing two week vacation.  We started by heading to Bishop to visit Ruth's namesake, my maternal grandmother, and see her grandparents and meet some more family and friends in Bishop.  Then we headed up to Mono Lake Mobil station for lunch (yes, the Mobil station, they have a gourmet chef and the food is amazing) and then headed on into Yosemite. 

It was GORGEOUS! I haven't been in about 10 years and somehow those 10 years have given me a deeper appreciation for the beauty of God's creation. We had two nights in Yosemite before we headed to Sacramento to celebrate (and officiate) at a friend's wedding.

Here are a few favorites from Yosemite.

Vagrancy

In seminary, I volunteered at a local shelter on Thursday nights for "foot clinic".  Each Thursday homeless from around Atlanta would sign up for foot washing. Then in the evening, we would gather for a large shared meal together (volunteers, homeless, and permanent residents at the shelter) and eat dinner together. Then we would clean up and re-set the room for foot clinic (while the medical clinic was held in another room and had med school residents to run it).

Foot clinic was run by a nurse named Hannah whose parents ran the shelter. The rest of us came from a variety of trades and followed her instruction.  After walking miles each day in the heat and the wet all over Atlanta (often services are strewn out all over town making a long trek necessary to get paperwork filed or whatever else might need to be done during the day...including eating and finding public bathrooms), feet get nasty.  So, we would soak their feet in a hot soapy water bath and then we would clean their feet. We would scrub callouses, cut out corns, trim nails, treat foot fungus, then dry and lotion their feet, and give them 2 pair of new socks to wear.  

I learned a lot in my 6 months at the clinic and had my eyes opened about issues surrounding homeless.  Not the least of which is that in dealing with "the homeless" you aren't dealing with an issue, you are dealing with people.  As I sat and cleaned feet, I would get to know the men and women with whom I shared that sacred holy upper-room act. I would hear about their lives and their struggles, which included being arrested for vagrancy when they had simply been hanging out at a park or a side walk or wherever.  I would become very frustrated at their circumstances. It always felt like such a waste to put people in jail for simply trying to be somewhere.  

And now, five and half years later, I am on the other side of the story.  At various points, I have shared about our ministry with the homeless at the church.  In general we have a good ministry that goes smoothly.  We feed 25-45 folks each Sunday and provide showers, clothes, toiletries, Bible study, worship, and fellowship.  In the early days, we allowed folks to stay on the property at night, with the understanding that the shelters didn't always have enough room, and that for some, even when they did have room, folks had to come in "dry" (meaning sober) and for many folks on the street, that was too much to ask.  

We liked being able to offer a safe dry place for folks to stay (Even if it was still outside) and worked to help various folks get into housing.  (of 20 regular folks who stayed on the property at different times, 5 got into full term housing...we saw those as pretty decent odds).  But then we started to have trouble.  Folks were drinking on the property, doing drugs, selling drugs, having sexual encounters, and even breaking into our buildings, and that was it.  We said that was completely unacceptable and had to change the rules and practices at the church.  There was a small cohort that didn't really care what we said and insisted on staying on the property anyway.  They would just come later and later so that we were less likely to find them there and and send them on their way. 

Well, those folks eventually moved on and now we have a new cohort of 3.  Sometimes they act as allies, and other times they antagonize one another and even call the police on each other.  For months, we've been fighting them. They break into buildings and stay the night. They refuse to leave the property. They smoke in buildings; they have even left urine cups behind couches when the bathroom is mere feet away.  It's been exhausting.  It hasn't mattered what we say or who says it.  It doesn't even matter if we call the police (mostly b/c the police refuse to do anything).  It really has been a frustrating situation from all sides with no real positive outcome in the foreseeable future.  We've tried getting them to go to a shelter. I've tried to get mental health help and whenever I set up an appointment, they fail to show up.  

I still don't really think arresting them is the *best* option. But allowing them to stay when they refuse to respect the rules or listen to anyone at the church isn't really an option anyway.  I just wish I had a good answer...

On Motherhood

I’ve officially been a mother for a month now. Though arguably, I’ve been a mother ever since we knew we were pregnant.  Most folks don’t talk about it that way, but I have been thinking about and caring for our little one ever since that moment.  It wasn’t “hands on” in an official sense, but since her sole care rested with me and my womb, I was mothering her even in those days. 

People often ask how the transition has been, and quite honestly, it hardly feels like much of a transition at all.  Not that life hasn’t changed; we have a baby and that is a huge change.  But it hasn’t been so life changing in a way that is dramatic and unexpected. Ruth has fit in quite easily and naturally, at least for me.  

For years, I’ve felt like I was born to be a mother.  In college, there were years when I couldn’t imagine myself with a husband (or rather couldn’t imagine a man I would want to spend my life with), but I could easily see myself as a mother.  Caring for and loving children comes naturally for me.  It’s easy and natural. Of course, the care takes work, and there are various “tricks” I have learned along the way, but loving another human being and caring for her needs--that comes easily.  And even when I would rather stay in bed and get some sleep, it’s still easy to roll myself out of bed knowing that this little wonder of life needs me.  

And, saying all that, I say this, I’ve been quiet on the blogging front for quite some time. I occasionally write, though I wish I could would write much more often. But I often hesitate to start typing because I don’t feel like I have much spiritual or theological to say, and since that has been my primary focus for the years I have been blogging, I hesitate to write anything else.  But I think it’s time for me to transition my blogging to reflect my life changes.  I think I might do more “mommy-blogging”. Which is not to say that there won’t be the occasional theological piece, but I think if I hope to re-awaken my blog to have any kind of regular updates, then I need to give myself permission to write about whatever comes to me, even if it’s not “churchy” or even “church appropriate”  as this is supposed to be a free expression of my thoughts on life and what comes with it.  

That may turn off some of my readership, and for that, I apologize.  But I have to remind myself that I didn’t start blogging for others to read it, but instead for me to write. So, I think I will try and return to that purpose and write as I am led.

Time for an update

Well, I think I am well past needing to update my blog!  (Thanks Dad for the reminder).  Last time I posted I was 5 days over due.  On day 8 of past-due waiting, I was induced and after a long and VERY eventful day (hopefully to be written about in detail later) Ruth entered the world.

I can hardly believe that today now marks her "one-month-i-versary".

Ruth on her birth-day:

Ruth today:

Still waiting...

I am now 5 days past my due date and couldn't feel more impatient.  

Despite that, one of the perks of not delivering on time was that we had a chance to do a pregnancy photo shoot.  Below are some of my favorites.

Soul Whisperers

If you live in North America, the odds are good you've heard of both the Horse Whisperer and the Dog Whisperer. They are both known for their unique way of masterfully and gracefully (and quietly) communicating with and calming the animals they work with.  They have a special way that they understand and relate to the animals.  Even without words, they can make themselves understood. And despite lack of verbal communication from the animal, these gifted trainers seem to understand what is going on with each individual animal.

Different from, but similar to, these trainers, I believe, are soul whisperers.  I think soul whisperers are people who have an inherent and unique sense of understanding of and connection to the human soul.  They may be different for different people. But these soul whisperers are able to relate to and understand people, often without words, in a way that is more profound than the average Joe (or Josie, as the case may be).  

I had the privilege of talking with one this morning. I am fortunate to hold a couple of soul whisperers as intimate friends.  Their simple presence has a way of unlocking emotions and breaking down walls that I keep at bay from many people. And they don't even have to try.  There is such a profound sense of safety and peace when you are I am with them, that one  I can't help but feel comfortable revealing the most intimate and vulnerable parts of themselves myself. 

I don't know how many of these people there actually are in the world. I have only known a handful.  Though there have to be many more.  These are patient people who hold silence without any hesitation, that's actually a starting place, rather than a default location for them. They sit and listen. And even without words, they seem to see my soul.  They know me.  Deeply, intimately, even if it's only once in a blue moon that we speak, it makes no difference, because the connection is made so easily, so effortlessly, that it can happen any time and any where.  And it's not scary.  It can be, don't get me wrong, being so vulnerable can be intensely frightening, but once you've revealed yourself to a soul whisperer, you learn that they won't take advantage of your confidences. They won't hold your sins against you or judge your most irrational quirks. And so you can feel free to be fully yourself.

I remember the first time I "exposed" myself to a soul whisperer.  I was in seminary and taking an art class during my last semester.  I shared about some of what I had done (without actually showing any of my work) and this friend asked to see my work.  Hesitantly, I pulled it out.  And he was appreciative, both of the art and of my sharing it with him, yet the whole time I felt naked.  Literally naked. Like I was sitting there completely exposed in my birthday suit. Though I wasn't.  But there was that level of vulnerability in what I was sharing.  It may seem silly, it was just art after all, but for me it was much more profound than that.  It was the first time I had really bared a part of myself that wasn't spoken emotion but could possibly reveal so much more of who I was than simple words.  And he was gracious and gentle and encouraging--just as a soul whisperer should be.  I was safe. And from that I learned that I would be safe in the future as well.

The soul whisperers I know are individuals others clamor to be around. Not in a popularity sense, but in an I-need-to-be-known-and-loved sense.  People long for connection (all of us do) and these soul whisperers can offer that so easily that people REALLY want to be around them, if only for a short time.  They can easily get burnt out and used up as most people beg to receive from them, rarely thinking of what the soul whisperer might need for his or her own soul in return.

I'm not sure I have an end point, per say, for this point, only a lot of gratitude for the soul whisperers in my life and particularly for A who shared so much time with me this morning. I am blessed to have her in my life!

Seder Dinner

This year, the worship committee decided we should do a Seder dinner to celebrate Maundy Thursday.  By "we", in essence, they meant "me".  I'm sure I could have recruited more help but I didn't want to do a potluck thing, I wanted to do a really nice meal.  Fortunately, Cara had a Seder Plate Challenge that gave me lots of cool ideas for foods to cook. 

I decided to go with:

Massaged Kale Salad. This was good and people really seemed to like it. I wasn't over the top impressed...I think I'm just not a fan of kale...if I did this again, I'd probably just go with spinach.

Matzoh Encrusted Asparagus. There was definitely WAY too much crust/coating.  I multiplied the amount of asparagus by 10 and didn't double the crust mix at all and still had WAY too much.  I'd be a minimalist if I do this again and only use 1 or 2 matzoh crackers, 1 tbsp of oregano and a half cup or so of Parmesan cheese.  (If I weren't trying to keep it kosher for passover, I might just use Italian bread crumbs with the Parmesan...)

Apricot Beef Brisket.  This was super simple to make and very yummy! I might be inclined to use about half the amount of apricots, not because they were bad, but just b/c they didn't get put to good use after cooking...

Mashed Potatoes.  These were just a safe extra in case other items didn't turn out.  I peeled then boiled the potatoes, drained them, and then added sour cream, heavy cream, butter, salt and pepper...all just eye-balled and to taste.

Charoset.  I basically multiplied each of the recipes by 4 or 5 to have enough for 35 people, and we had way too much of this, I'd say the single recipe could easily serve 8-10.  I'm going to try and slow cook the leftovers to make applesauce, we'll see how that works out.  But the flavor is good and people loved it!

Deviled eggs.  I did two batches, half were normal/basic...just mayo, mustard, salt and pepper, the others had all of that plus curry powder to taste (which are my preference but I know not everyone likes the curry...)

Horseradish Cauliflower Latkes.  these were a decent amount of work. I used a regular steamer on the stove top to prep the cauliflower and prepared the "batter" a day ahead to try and help me out on the day of, which was a good plan, though I almost forgot the egg whites, which was not a good plan b/c they keep the batter together when you fry it.  The suggestion for a ton of horseradish seemed crazy to me, especially as it made me cry as I added it, but in retrospect, I would have gone with more rather than less. She used 6T for 1 head of cauliflower. I used 12T for 5 heads of cauliflower. I definitely could have used more and it would have been just fine.

Oreo truffles.  these were SUPER simple....one of the easiest cookies/desserts ever.  I did take the advice of the reviews and used milk chocolate instead of semi sweet and just used a 12oz bag instead of 16 oz and it worked out just fine!

White chocolate truffles.  the original Seder plate challenged had wasabi white chocolate ginger truffles which sounded wonderful and I really wanted to try, but tracking down fresh wasabi was no easy task.  When I found it online, it was $84 for a half a pound, and there was simply no way I was going to go that route. So I found these instead and they were yummy and relatively simple.  though, as you roll the truffles, the heat from your hands will start to melt the chocolate. The powdered sugar does help, as would dipping your hands in ice water every so often.  I'd make these again without hesitation!

Chocolate dipped Almond Butter merengues.  these left a little to be desired in my mind, but that may be because I have too much of a sweet tooth...these just weren't sweet, so they hardly ranked as a yummy dessert in my book, but lots of folks tried them and seemed to like them. If you make them, my caution would be that it's easy to burn the merengue, I'd shorten the cooking time and only cook them on the upper ranks of the oven.

Over all, it was definitely a holiday feast and people really enjoyed doing the dinner (along with the liturgy which I adapted from one sent by a friend).  I think it'd be worth trying again in the future, but with more help and maybe some different recipes or variations. 

Beef and Broccoli recipe

So apparently when you're 8.5 months pregnant all you want to do is eat...so that's primarily what you'll get here...or so it seems. 

Here's tonight's recipe.

Cinnamon rolls

My best friend had made these cinnamon rolls the last time I visited and they were awesome. I had to try them!

Unfortunately, I faced a few frustrations in the process, but hopefully you can over come those:

1) With only the 6 cups of flour, the dough was super sticky, instead of adding more flour, I let it go hoping it would come out alright, unfortunately it seemed to stifle the rising process, so my recommendation would be to add more flour until it no longer sticks to the side of the bowl (at least in large part).

2) the dough wouldn't rise.  I waited hours and it simply wasn't working. I used fresh yeast, didn't over-kneed, and had it rise in a draft free location, but that didn't seem to a matter.  Finally I got a new tip and put it in the oven (off) with a bowl of boiling water. Granted I left it there for a couple of hours while I was in Bible study, but when I got back, it had finally risen.

3) When I went to roll it out, there was a TON of dough. They are not kidding that this recipe makes a lot.  If I did it again. I would pound the dough down more and then cut it into 2 pieces and do half at a time with the butter/brown sugar/cinnamon topping.

4) I used a big roasting pan to cook them, and would recommend using a huge pan (probably two) for this recipe.

In the end, they still taste awesome...but it was definitely a recipe that came to those who (had) to wait.  

I hope you have more luck with the rising than I did, and I hope you enjoy just as much as we did!!!

Cool Easter idea for kids

A parishioner got this as a forward on email. I had not read it before and thought it was a very cool idea. It should be done the night before Easter before going to bed.

Ingredients:

1 cup whole pecans

1 tsp vinegar

3 egg whites

1 pinch salt

1 cup sugar

ziplock bag

wooden spoon

masking tape

Bible

Directions:

Preheat oven to 300 F. Place pecans in ziplock and let kids beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces.  Explain that after Jesus was arrested he was beaten by the Romans soldiers. Read John 19:1-3.

Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross he was given vinegar to drink.  Read John 19:28-30.

Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave his life to give us life.  Read John 10:10-11.

Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. Read Luke 23-27.

So far the ingredients are not very appetizing.  Add 1 cup sugar.  Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because he loves us.  He wants us to know and belong to him.  Read Psalm 34:8 and John 3:16.

Beat with a mixer on high for 12-15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed.  Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes for those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:13.

Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid. 

Read Matthew 27:57-60.

Put the cookie sheet in the oven. Close the door and turn the oven off.  Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door.  Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed. Read Matthew 27:65-66.

Go to bed! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus' followeres were in despair when the tomb was sealed.  Read John 16:20 and 22.

On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie.  notice the cracked surface and take a bite.  the cookies are hollow!  Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty.  Read Matthew 28:1-9.

Asparagus Soup

Even though blogging hasn't made it to the top of the list this Lent, cooking often has.  Here's an asparagus soup recipe I tried for one of our Lenten soup suppers.  It was a definite hit! 

I mostly followed the recipe, though did make some of the suggested change:

Instead of 1/4 margarine, I used 2 tbsp butter and 2 tbsp olive oil

I added 4 cloves of garlic

I added an extra potato

I didn't puree everything, just about 3/4 of the soup which left some nice texture

I ditched the can of chicken soup

I used 6 tsp of of bouillion instead of the 4 tbsp that were recommended.

I skipped the soy sauce

What has worked

While the blogging every day idea did not work for a Lenten discipline, there is one that has.  Another one of the ideas I had for this period of Lent was to give up asking R about money issues.  

Of all the places where we could be different as husband and wife, money management seems to be the most pronounced.  We are a good example of ying and yang--a spender and a saver.  He tends to be the spender, I tend to be the saver.  

Being the person I am, I can be both a bit of a penny pincher and a bit compulsive in tracking spending (not totally useless in their own right, but not always the most productive for building trust and confidence in marital bliss).  And, because my husband is self-employed, the "steady income" is based on his customers paying and paying on time, which unfortunately doesn't always happen. 

As a consequence, R sometimes often gets struck by a maelstrom of inquisition about who paid and where money is going, etc, etc, etc.  

In an attempt to be a little less neurotic, and much more supportive, I decided to fast from my obsessive questioning.  I don't ask about who has and hasn't paid. I don't ask about how much was spent at this store or that store. And I trust (work on trusting?) that he will tell me if something big pops up that I should know about. 

It may sound simple, but it definitely requires discipline on my part. And hopefully in drawing near to my husband this Lent, I am also more fully able to receive the love he has to give, which in turn teaches me about God's love for me.

So much for that idea

Clearly, the plan of blogging every day in Lent did not pan out the way I had planned.  In the last couple of weeks, I have been exceedingly tired and somehow that does not mesh with setting aside daily time to write.  It probably doesn't mesh with a whole lot of anything, besides lounging around and being lazy, which hasn't really been possible either.  And I'm sure the disciplined among you would simply say that I need to devote myself to the practice or otherwise I could simply make the tired excuse for the rest of my life (especially with a new little one on the way, but whatever). 

I have about 10 ideas for entries in my head right now, so I'll just sit here and type and see how far I get and that'll have to suffice until I get my next bit of down time coupled with a burst of energy.  =)

Bradley, Lamaze, and more, Oh My!

Disclaimer: I think this post might be more for me than for any readers.  I think I need to process through writing to try and figure out what I really want to do.  As part of that, if you are interested enough to keep reading, I am happy to have feedback.

I am 7 1/2 months pregnant now.  Wow, it's crazy to even write that.  It seems like just yesterday I was 10 weeks along counting each day trying to move along to the next week and yet it was only so slow. Now, though I know which week I am in (31), I mostly keep track by month.  That may not seem like much, but from a pregnant perspective, it's fabulous.  

At this point, I have read a good number of books.  I have read:

What to Expect When You're Expecting

Belly Laughs

Thank you Dr Lamaze

Husband Coached Childbirth

Happiest Baby on the Block

 All are good books.  What to Expect is the basics of pregnancy and all the various things that will happen during Dr. appointments and to your body and to your baby.  It's like the encyclopedia of pregnancy.

Belly Laughs is a comic take on some of the crazy (to the non-pregnant or newly pregnant woman) things that happen during pregnancy.

Thank you Dr. Lamaze is old school but it is super insightful about the Lamaze Method (mostly known for the weird "hee, hee, hoo" breathing, but actually so much more) and what it actually aims to do.  The woman who wrote it actually had Dr. Lamaze as her doctor in France in the late 1950s and she gives all kinds of insights about why the Lamaze method works (it's based on Pavlov's method and so you "train" your body to have the necessary "automatic" responses come time for labor and delivery). From what I've read, it was the pioneer in natural childbirth in the early to mid 20th century (when the accepted practice was to knock the mom out with gas and have her wake up after everything was already over).  It aims to train your body and mind to stay "ahead of the pain" (acknowledging that there is pain during childbirth but that it doesn't have to be so extreme if you make your body work for you in the process). 

Husband Coached Childbirth is written by Dr. Bradley of the Bradley Method.  In essence, he is the modern (though he started practicing as an OB decades ago) proponent of natural (read: medication free) childbirth, which uses the husband/partner as the primary coach during labor.  (Remember: for decades husbands/fathers were not allowed in the delivery room, they were kept in the waiting room).  It advocates a method of childbirth that mimics what happens naturally (and easily???) for animals.  It tries to parallel their breathing patterns, activity patterns, and positions asserting that childbirth is just as natural for humans as it is for animals and so we shouldn't make it so complicated.  If we want it to be "easier" then we should go back to natural patterns that seem to work. 

Happiest Baby on the Block is one I've read before (when my sister was pregnant with her first child) and I appreciate for the ways it teaches parents how to calm their babies.  

Obviously, I've done a lot of reading.  And, quite honestly, the debate in my head is now between methods for childbirth.  At their core, Bradley and Lamaze propose the same thing: medication-free childbirth that helps the mom engage the process of labor and delivery.  Both include the father in both the preparation and the delivery.  The major difference seems to be that Lamaze seeks for you to be relaxed, though alert, to try and stay ahead of the pain.  Bradley wants you to be relaxed and more relaxed, with little distraction and the father right by your side.  (I don't really know a better way to explain it).  

It's interesting having read the books because both were written when their methods were new and radical and not widely accepted. Both have a bit of a bias against "modern medicine" and hospitals. Bradley seems to have become known as adversarial against hospital staff including doctors and nurses.  

We tried to ask our doctor for his honest input and advice and all we really got was diplomatic fluff. He said they want what is best for the mom and the baby and are good with pretty much any method.  Which, on the one hand, I'm grateful for.  On the other hand, he left things vague.  We wanted to know which exercises and practices to work with.  We wanted to know what seems to work best for his patients. We didn't get that input.  

Instead, we've started the childbirth class the hospital offers, which, after just one class, was the most boring thing possible. It probably wouldn't have been bad if I hadn't read any books, but I have, so it just seemed really basic and as unhelpful as our doctor.  So for now, I'm basically working the preparation and exercises of both methods with a hope that it'll all come out in the wash. 

Privilege to work where I do

I serve an amazing church.  I tell people that all the time.  I serve really faithful people who love God and love each other and love newcomers. They are willing to be pushed to grow in their faith and willing to risk and try new things.  I love what I do and they make it easy to do so.

A few years ago, when I had passed the Board for ordination, my DS called and congratulated me and then asked if I wanted a move. When I asked why he said, "Well, some people want to go to a better church when they are ordained. They want to move up." I told him I didn't want a move. I serve a church where there is no debt, no major conflict, and people who are devoted to their faith.  Where exactly is up?!?

I still serve that wonderful church and they just keep proving how wonderful they are.

Case in point: last week I met with my SPRC (HR committee for the non-methodists) and discussed what their expectations are for when I come back to work after my maternity leave.  Essentially, my question was "When will it be ok for me to have the baby at work and when will you expect me to have childcare?"  At least one person wasn't sure why I even asked the question.  I explained that R & I wanted to be sure of what would be acceptable and what wouldn't be.  Someone else asked if they even needed to make any kind of declaration. I said yes, that there were bound to be at least a couple of folks in the congregation who had a gut reaction against me bringing the baby to work.  That they wouldn't have been allowed to take their baby to work and so they would expect that other women (including me) should not be allowed to either.  

I offered to leave the room so people could feel free to be completely honest in sharing their thoughts.  The chair asked me to go ahead and go and then she came to find me about 5 minutes later.  

When I returned to the meeting I was told, "We trust you.  We trust you as our pastor, and we trust you as a person, and we expect to trust you as a mother.  We will leave that up to your discretion."  

I am honored by their confidence and their trust. And as I thought further about what they had shared, I realized how very fortunate I am.  Most women who go back to work cannot take their child with them.  There isn't even a question of possibility.  And even many clergywomen aren't allowed to take their infants to work, for whatever reason.  But I serve an amazingly supportive church who trusts me to know when it will be ok and when it won't and to plan accordingly, without restrictions.  

I am so very blessed!

Ash Wednesday a day late

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and it was very full.  I started with a private devotional communion/ash opportunity for the church at 6:30am and finished with a small corporate worship service at 7 last night.

One of the things I want to "add" for Lent is blogging each day.  Obviously that didn't quite work in the way I wanted for yesterday, but I figure I shouldn't give up the goal just because of one missed day. 

My hope is to reflect more and to slow down to do so. 

Quite honestly, I miss finding theological connections in the every day matters of life and I hope taking time to write daily will give me the fresh perspective I need to gt it back.

quote of the day

A: If that's the case, you shouldn't even ask questions.

B: I always ask questions. I'm a questionnaire.