Still waiting...

I am now 5 days past my due date and couldn't feel more impatient.  

Despite that, one of the perks of not delivering on time was that we had a chance to do a pregnancy photo shoot.  Below are some of my favorites.

Soul Whisperers

If you live in North America, the odds are good you've heard of both the Horse Whisperer and the Dog Whisperer. They are both known for their unique way of masterfully and gracefully (and quietly) communicating with and calming the animals they work with.  They have a special way that they understand and relate to the animals.  Even without words, they can make themselves understood. And despite lack of verbal communication from the animal, these gifted trainers seem to understand what is going on with each individual animal.

Different from, but similar to, these trainers, I believe, are soul whisperers.  I think soul whisperers are people who have an inherent and unique sense of understanding of and connection to the human soul.  They may be different for different people. But these soul whisperers are able to relate to and understand people, often without words, in a way that is more profound than the average Joe (or Josie, as the case may be).  

I had the privilege of talking with one this morning. I am fortunate to hold a couple of soul whisperers as intimate friends.  Their simple presence has a way of unlocking emotions and breaking down walls that I keep at bay from many people. And they don't even have to try.  There is such a profound sense of safety and peace when you are I am with them, that one  I can't help but feel comfortable revealing the most intimate and vulnerable parts of themselves myself. 

I don't know how many of these people there actually are in the world. I have only known a handful.  Though there have to be many more.  These are patient people who hold silence without any hesitation, that's actually a starting place, rather than a default location for them. They sit and listen. And even without words, they seem to see my soul.  They know me.  Deeply, intimately, even if it's only once in a blue moon that we speak, it makes no difference, because the connection is made so easily, so effortlessly, that it can happen any time and any where.  And it's not scary.  It can be, don't get me wrong, being so vulnerable can be intensely frightening, but once you've revealed yourself to a soul whisperer, you learn that they won't take advantage of your confidences. They won't hold your sins against you or judge your most irrational quirks. And so you can feel free to be fully yourself.

I remember the first time I "exposed" myself to a soul whisperer.  I was in seminary and taking an art class during my last semester.  I shared about some of what I had done (without actually showing any of my work) and this friend asked to see my work.  Hesitantly, I pulled it out.  And he was appreciative, both of the art and of my sharing it with him, yet the whole time I felt naked.  Literally naked. Like I was sitting there completely exposed in my birthday suit. Though I wasn't.  But there was that level of vulnerability in what I was sharing.  It may seem silly, it was just art after all, but for me it was much more profound than that.  It was the first time I had really bared a part of myself that wasn't spoken emotion but could possibly reveal so much more of who I was than simple words.  And he was gracious and gentle and encouraging--just as a soul whisperer should be.  I was safe. And from that I learned that I would be safe in the future as well.

The soul whisperers I know are individuals others clamor to be around. Not in a popularity sense, but in an I-need-to-be-known-and-loved sense.  People long for connection (all of us do) and these soul whisperers can offer that so easily that people REALLY want to be around them, if only for a short time.  They can easily get burnt out and used up as most people beg to receive from them, rarely thinking of what the soul whisperer might need for his or her own soul in return.

I'm not sure I have an end point, per say, for this point, only a lot of gratitude for the soul whisperers in my life and particularly for A who shared so much time with me this morning. I am blessed to have her in my life!

Seder Dinner

This year, the worship committee decided we should do a Seder dinner to celebrate Maundy Thursday.  By "we", in essence, they meant "me".  I'm sure I could have recruited more help but I didn't want to do a potluck thing, I wanted to do a really nice meal.  Fortunately, Cara had a Seder Plate Challenge that gave me lots of cool ideas for foods to cook. 

I decided to go with:

Massaged Kale Salad. This was good and people really seemed to like it. I wasn't over the top impressed...I think I'm just not a fan of kale...if I did this again, I'd probably just go with spinach.

Matzoh Encrusted Asparagus. There was definitely WAY too much crust/coating.  I multiplied the amount of asparagus by 10 and didn't double the crust mix at all and still had WAY too much.  I'd be a minimalist if I do this again and only use 1 or 2 matzoh crackers, 1 tbsp of oregano and a half cup or so of Parmesan cheese.  (If I weren't trying to keep it kosher for passover, I might just use Italian bread crumbs with the Parmesan...)

Apricot Beef Brisket.  This was super simple to make and very yummy! I might be inclined to use about half the amount of apricots, not because they were bad, but just b/c they didn't get put to good use after cooking...

Mashed Potatoes.  These were just a safe extra in case other items didn't turn out.  I peeled then boiled the potatoes, drained them, and then added sour cream, heavy cream, butter, salt and pepper...all just eye-balled and to taste.

Charoset.  I basically multiplied each of the recipes by 4 or 5 to have enough for 35 people, and we had way too much of this, I'd say the single recipe could easily serve 8-10.  I'm going to try and slow cook the leftovers to make applesauce, we'll see how that works out.  But the flavor is good and people loved it!

Deviled eggs.  I did two batches, half were normal/basic...just mayo, mustard, salt and pepper, the others had all of that plus curry powder to taste (which are my preference but I know not everyone likes the curry...)

Horseradish Cauliflower Latkes.  these were a decent amount of work. I used a regular steamer on the stove top to prep the cauliflower and prepared the "batter" a day ahead to try and help me out on the day of, which was a good plan, though I almost forgot the egg whites, which was not a good plan b/c they keep the batter together when you fry it.  The suggestion for a ton of horseradish seemed crazy to me, especially as it made me cry as I added it, but in retrospect, I would have gone with more rather than less. She used 6T for 1 head of cauliflower. I used 12T for 5 heads of cauliflower. I definitely could have used more and it would have been just fine.

Oreo truffles.  these were SUPER simple....one of the easiest cookies/desserts ever.  I did take the advice of the reviews and used milk chocolate instead of semi sweet and just used a 12oz bag instead of 16 oz and it worked out just fine!

White chocolate truffles.  the original Seder plate challenged had wasabi white chocolate ginger truffles which sounded wonderful and I really wanted to try, but tracking down fresh wasabi was no easy task.  When I found it online, it was $84 for a half a pound, and there was simply no way I was going to go that route. So I found these instead and they were yummy and relatively simple.  though, as you roll the truffles, the heat from your hands will start to melt the chocolate. The powdered sugar does help, as would dipping your hands in ice water every so often.  I'd make these again without hesitation!

Chocolate dipped Almond Butter merengues.  these left a little to be desired in my mind, but that may be because I have too much of a sweet tooth...these just weren't sweet, so they hardly ranked as a yummy dessert in my book, but lots of folks tried them and seemed to like them. If you make them, my caution would be that it's easy to burn the merengue, I'd shorten the cooking time and only cook them on the upper ranks of the oven.

Over all, it was definitely a holiday feast and people really enjoyed doing the dinner (along with the liturgy which I adapted from one sent by a friend).  I think it'd be worth trying again in the future, but with more help and maybe some different recipes or variations. 

Beef and Broccoli recipe

So apparently when you're 8.5 months pregnant all you want to do is eat...so that's primarily what you'll get here...or so it seems. 

Here's tonight's recipe.

Cinnamon rolls

My best friend had made these cinnamon rolls the last time I visited and they were awesome. I had to try them!

Unfortunately, I faced a few frustrations in the process, but hopefully you can over come those:

1) With only the 6 cups of flour, the dough was super sticky, instead of adding more flour, I let it go hoping it would come out alright, unfortunately it seemed to stifle the rising process, so my recommendation would be to add more flour until it no longer sticks to the side of the bowl (at least in large part).

2) the dough wouldn't rise.  I waited hours and it simply wasn't working. I used fresh yeast, didn't over-kneed, and had it rise in a draft free location, but that didn't seem to a matter.  Finally I got a new tip and put it in the oven (off) with a bowl of boiling water. Granted I left it there for a couple of hours while I was in Bible study, but when I got back, it had finally risen.

3) When I went to roll it out, there was a TON of dough. They are not kidding that this recipe makes a lot.  If I did it again. I would pound the dough down more and then cut it into 2 pieces and do half at a time with the butter/brown sugar/cinnamon topping.

4) I used a big roasting pan to cook them, and would recommend using a huge pan (probably two) for this recipe.

In the end, they still taste awesome...but it was definitely a recipe that came to those who (had) to wait.  

I hope you have more luck with the rising than I did, and I hope you enjoy just as much as we did!!!

Cool Easter idea for kids

A parishioner got this as a forward on email. I had not read it before and thought it was a very cool idea. It should be done the night before Easter before going to bed.

Ingredients:

1 cup whole pecans

1 tsp vinegar

3 egg whites

1 pinch salt

1 cup sugar

ziplock bag

wooden spoon

masking tape

Bible

Directions:

Preheat oven to 300 F. Place pecans in ziplock and let kids beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces.  Explain that after Jesus was arrested he was beaten by the Romans soldiers. Read John 19:1-3.

Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross he was given vinegar to drink.  Read John 19:28-30.

Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave his life to give us life.  Read John 10:10-11.

Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. Read Luke 23-27.

So far the ingredients are not very appetizing.  Add 1 cup sugar.  Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because he loves us.  He wants us to know and belong to him.  Read Psalm 34:8 and John 3:16.

Beat with a mixer on high for 12-15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed.  Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes for those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:13.

Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid. 

Read Matthew 27:57-60.

Put the cookie sheet in the oven. Close the door and turn the oven off.  Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door.  Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed. Read Matthew 27:65-66.

Go to bed! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus' followeres were in despair when the tomb was sealed.  Read John 16:20 and 22.

On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie.  notice the cracked surface and take a bite.  the cookies are hollow!  Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty.  Read Matthew 28:1-9.

Asparagus Soup

Even though blogging hasn't made it to the top of the list this Lent, cooking often has.  Here's an asparagus soup recipe I tried for one of our Lenten soup suppers.  It was a definite hit! 

I mostly followed the recipe, though did make some of the suggested change:

Instead of 1/4 margarine, I used 2 tbsp butter and 2 tbsp olive oil

I added 4 cloves of garlic

I added an extra potato

I didn't puree everything, just about 3/4 of the soup which left some nice texture

I ditched the can of chicken soup

I used 6 tsp of of bouillion instead of the 4 tbsp that were recommended.

I skipped the soy sauce

What has worked

While the blogging every day idea did not work for a Lenten discipline, there is one that has.  Another one of the ideas I had for this period of Lent was to give up asking R about money issues.  

Of all the places where we could be different as husband and wife, money management seems to be the most pronounced.  We are a good example of ying and yang--a spender and a saver.  He tends to be the spender, I tend to be the saver.  

Being the person I am, I can be both a bit of a penny pincher and a bit compulsive in tracking spending (not totally useless in their own right, but not always the most productive for building trust and confidence in marital bliss).  And, because my husband is self-employed, the "steady income" is based on his customers paying and paying on time, which unfortunately doesn't always happen. 

As a consequence, R sometimes often gets struck by a maelstrom of inquisition about who paid and where money is going, etc, etc, etc.  

In an attempt to be a little less neurotic, and much more supportive, I decided to fast from my obsessive questioning.  I don't ask about who has and hasn't paid. I don't ask about how much was spent at this store or that store. And I trust (work on trusting?) that he will tell me if something big pops up that I should know about. 

It may sound simple, but it definitely requires discipline on my part. And hopefully in drawing near to my husband this Lent, I am also more fully able to receive the love he has to give, which in turn teaches me about God's love for me.

So much for that idea

Clearly, the plan of blogging every day in Lent did not pan out the way I had planned.  In the last couple of weeks, I have been exceedingly tired and somehow that does not mesh with setting aside daily time to write.  It probably doesn't mesh with a whole lot of anything, besides lounging around and being lazy, which hasn't really been possible either.  And I'm sure the disciplined among you would simply say that I need to devote myself to the practice or otherwise I could simply make the tired excuse for the rest of my life (especially with a new little one on the way, but whatever). 

I have about 10 ideas for entries in my head right now, so I'll just sit here and type and see how far I get and that'll have to suffice until I get my next bit of down time coupled with a burst of energy.  =)

Bradley, Lamaze, and more, Oh My!

Disclaimer: I think this post might be more for me than for any readers.  I think I need to process through writing to try and figure out what I really want to do.  As part of that, if you are interested enough to keep reading, I am happy to have feedback.

I am 7 1/2 months pregnant now.  Wow, it's crazy to even write that.  It seems like just yesterday I was 10 weeks along counting each day trying to move along to the next week and yet it was only so slow. Now, though I know which week I am in (31), I mostly keep track by month.  That may not seem like much, but from a pregnant perspective, it's fabulous.  

At this point, I have read a good number of books.  I have read:

What to Expect When You're Expecting

Belly Laughs

Thank you Dr Lamaze

Husband Coached Childbirth

Happiest Baby on the Block

 All are good books.  What to Expect is the basics of pregnancy and all the various things that will happen during Dr. appointments and to your body and to your baby.  It's like the encyclopedia of pregnancy.

Belly Laughs is a comic take on some of the crazy (to the non-pregnant or newly pregnant woman) things that happen during pregnancy.

Thank you Dr. Lamaze is old school but it is super insightful about the Lamaze Method (mostly known for the weird "hee, hee, hoo" breathing, but actually so much more) and what it actually aims to do.  The woman who wrote it actually had Dr. Lamaze as her doctor in France in the late 1950s and she gives all kinds of insights about why the Lamaze method works (it's based on Pavlov's method and so you "train" your body to have the necessary "automatic" responses come time for labor and delivery). From what I've read, it was the pioneer in natural childbirth in the early to mid 20th century (when the accepted practice was to knock the mom out with gas and have her wake up after everything was already over).  It aims to train your body and mind to stay "ahead of the pain" (acknowledging that there is pain during childbirth but that it doesn't have to be so extreme if you make your body work for you in the process). 

Husband Coached Childbirth is written by Dr. Bradley of the Bradley Method.  In essence, he is the modern (though he started practicing as an OB decades ago) proponent of natural (read: medication free) childbirth, which uses the husband/partner as the primary coach during labor.  (Remember: for decades husbands/fathers were not allowed in the delivery room, they were kept in the waiting room).  It advocates a method of childbirth that mimics what happens naturally (and easily???) for animals.  It tries to parallel their breathing patterns, activity patterns, and positions asserting that childbirth is just as natural for humans as it is for animals and so we shouldn't make it so complicated.  If we want it to be "easier" then we should go back to natural patterns that seem to work. 

Happiest Baby on the Block is one I've read before (when my sister was pregnant with her first child) and I appreciate for the ways it teaches parents how to calm their babies.  

Obviously, I've done a lot of reading.  And, quite honestly, the debate in my head is now between methods for childbirth.  At their core, Bradley and Lamaze propose the same thing: medication-free childbirth that helps the mom engage the process of labor and delivery.  Both include the father in both the preparation and the delivery.  The major difference seems to be that Lamaze seeks for you to be relaxed, though alert, to try and stay ahead of the pain.  Bradley wants you to be relaxed and more relaxed, with little distraction and the father right by your side.  (I don't really know a better way to explain it).  

It's interesting having read the books because both were written when their methods were new and radical and not widely accepted. Both have a bit of a bias against "modern medicine" and hospitals. Bradley seems to have become known as adversarial against hospital staff including doctors and nurses.  

We tried to ask our doctor for his honest input and advice and all we really got was diplomatic fluff. He said they want what is best for the mom and the baby and are good with pretty much any method.  Which, on the one hand, I'm grateful for.  On the other hand, he left things vague.  We wanted to know which exercises and practices to work with.  We wanted to know what seems to work best for his patients. We didn't get that input.  

Instead, we've started the childbirth class the hospital offers, which, after just one class, was the most boring thing possible. It probably wouldn't have been bad if I hadn't read any books, but I have, so it just seemed really basic and as unhelpful as our doctor.  So for now, I'm basically working the preparation and exercises of both methods with a hope that it'll all come out in the wash. 

Privilege to work where I do

I serve an amazing church.  I tell people that all the time.  I serve really faithful people who love God and love each other and love newcomers. They are willing to be pushed to grow in their faith and willing to risk and try new things.  I love what I do and they make it easy to do so.

A few years ago, when I had passed the Board for ordination, my DS called and congratulated me and then asked if I wanted a move. When I asked why he said, "Well, some people want to go to a better church when they are ordained. They want to move up." I told him I didn't want a move. I serve a church where there is no debt, no major conflict, and people who are devoted to their faith.  Where exactly is up?!?

I still serve that wonderful church and they just keep proving how wonderful they are.

Case in point: last week I met with my SPRC (HR committee for the non-methodists) and discussed what their expectations are for when I come back to work after my maternity leave.  Essentially, my question was "When will it be ok for me to have the baby at work and when will you expect me to have childcare?"  At least one person wasn't sure why I even asked the question.  I explained that R & I wanted to be sure of what would be acceptable and what wouldn't be.  Someone else asked if they even needed to make any kind of declaration. I said yes, that there were bound to be at least a couple of folks in the congregation who had a gut reaction against me bringing the baby to work.  That they wouldn't have been allowed to take their baby to work and so they would expect that other women (including me) should not be allowed to either.  

I offered to leave the room so people could feel free to be completely honest in sharing their thoughts.  The chair asked me to go ahead and go and then she came to find me about 5 minutes later.  

When I returned to the meeting I was told, "We trust you.  We trust you as our pastor, and we trust you as a person, and we expect to trust you as a mother.  We will leave that up to your discretion."  

I am honored by their confidence and their trust. And as I thought further about what they had shared, I realized how very fortunate I am.  Most women who go back to work cannot take their child with them.  There isn't even a question of possibility.  And even many clergywomen aren't allowed to take their infants to work, for whatever reason.  But I serve an amazingly supportive church who trusts me to know when it will be ok and when it won't and to plan accordingly, without restrictions.  

I am so very blessed!

Ash Wednesday a day late

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and it was very full.  I started with a private devotional communion/ash opportunity for the church at 6:30am and finished with a small corporate worship service at 7 last night.

One of the things I want to "add" for Lent is blogging each day.  Obviously that didn't quite work in the way I wanted for yesterday, but I figure I shouldn't give up the goal just because of one missed day. 

My hope is to reflect more and to slow down to do so. 

Quite honestly, I miss finding theological connections in the every day matters of life and I hope taking time to write daily will give me the fresh perspective I need to gt it back.

quote of the day

A: If that's the case, you shouldn't even ask questions.

B: I always ask questions. I'm a questionnaire.

Chicken Recipe

We had a bunch (6) of leg/thigh cuts of chicken to use, so I searched for various recipes that might be good and landed on this one.  I had seen it in a previous search and had the lead time (1 day) to make it work. So I decided I would try it (minus the bread salad). 

the prep time was super quick and easy the night before, a definite bonus in my book.  The day of would have been fine, but I didn't read the cook time all the way through, and I got a late start in cooking. (note, it takes at least an hour or so to roast).  We ate late, but it was well worth it. The chicken was finger licking good!  

It will definitely be repeated!

quote of the day

Dog slobbers all over the leg of the quoted.

"I'm gonna get you one of the face blanket things....what is it called?...a bib!!"

Sermon

New sermon post can be found here.

I work a lot with survivors of sexual violence.  In college I went through a training called Sexual Violence Awareness Advocacy (SVAA) in order to work with Take Back the Night and the Clothesline Project. I was blessed to work with amazing men and women who taught me a lot about how abuse happens and how to be a compassionate listener for those who have survived such abuses.  And working with survivors really became a part of my call. Advocacy and stopping abuse became a key component for me and ultimately when I recognized my call, this was a part of it.  

In ministry, there have been times when I focus on the other parts of my call (race issues, LGBT advocacy, immigrant rights) and times when I focus on working with survivors.  There isn't a rhyme or reason for why I do what I do when I do it, only that those issues present themselves more prominently at different times with different people.  

I have been blessed to have the trust and confidence of survivors from very early stages of our relationships and have been privileged to walk with them as they heal from the violence (physical, sexual, spiritual, and psychological) that was inflicted on them.  As a part of this ministry, I often do the Safe Sanctuary training that the denomination requires for those who work with minors. In my opinion, we don't do it often enough and there are far too few children and youth workers who know the policy and how to work with children to protect them, both from abuses that have happened and abuses that could happen. So when I do a training for my church (we have about 20 folks trained now), I also open it up to the district and/or conference for anyone else that needs training.  

That's the long way of getting to this:

In talking with a survivor, she asked if I thought pedophiles could change and if they should be forgiven.  

I had to be honest, that's a tough one for me.  As a pastor, as a believer, as someone who is whole-heartedly devoted to God's message and offering of grace, yes, I believe someone can change and that they should be forgiven (though I definitely do NOT associate forgiveness with putting oneself in a dangerous/abusive situation again...).  And at the same time, forgiveness for abusers is one of the hardest areas for me.  I know of someone in my parish who was/is a pedophile (I don't know of recent abuses, only abuses that happened decades ago) and quite honestly, I struggle, especially on communion Sundays. I have to be very cautious because I am very easily prone to judgment and wonder if he has truly repented of what he did.  I know it is not mine to know or to judge, but it's tough for me.  Especially as someone who sees the life-long effects of abuse on the survivor, who sees how he/she as the victim never really gets to forget what happened and move on, one can only pray they heal from what has happened.  So when I see how lasting the pain is, I struggle to believe he/she should receive such pardon and grace so easily.  What I believe in my heart and think in my head are very much at odds on this issue. 

I know of others in my church who have committed adultery, who have spent all the family savings, who have killed, who have been violent, who have embezzled money, who are perpetual liars and oddly I don't struggle to see and offer them grace as I do with those who have sexually abused someone (male or female, please let's not forget, men/boys are abused too).  

Ultimately, because of my faith in Christ, I believe that grace and forgiveness win out--EVERY TIME.  I know that other Christians might not go that far, they would put certain standards or requirements in place first, but grace is one of those areas where I think God is far more abundant in God's generosity than most of us would like to think.  I think the power of God's love can prevail over even the hardest of hearts.  But there are definitely those individuals and those persons who give me pause and make me reevaluate that belief.  I pray for them, and for their victims, that the power of God's love would truly prevail to change the hearts of those who abuse and heal the lives of those who have been hurt by them.

Thank you mom and dad

R and I have 13 weeks left until our little one is due and we are in week 3 of a parenting class.  The content of the class is good (though clearly dated with 80s hairstyles, clothes, and technology) and our teachers are two wonderful, experienced moms.  There are days the information seems a bit too basic (though I know from child development and child care that even the most basic can be extremely complicated on certain days).  There are other days it sparks good conversation, both during class and when we get home.

Tonight we got to talking about children misbehaving in order to get attention.  There were talks of children fighting or rebelling or whatever else kids do to seek attention.  I know my siblings and I were not perfect children and I remember an occasional fight or two, but nothing outrageous or constant.  And in not seeing our conflicts, I see less of our "perfection" and more that of my parents (no, mom and dad, I do not think you're perfect, but I do hold you in pretty high regard).  I can guarantee you we would not have been the children we were (and hence not the adults we are) if it were not for our parents who are indeed stellar parents. Not just good people, but great parents. Meaning they parented well.  

Tonight one of our teachers said, "there will be times when you just won't be able to get your child to do what you want, and you just have to accept it and move on."  I couldn't help but think, "not in our house." (meaning mine growing up...I do not remember ever winning a battle/argument/whatever against my parents; I remember them getting us to do what they wanted, even if it meant soy sauce soup in the morning or reheating fish 7 times before finally eating it and being excused from the table). And I was immediately compelled to call my parents and ask what the most trying times were with us kids.  

I haven't called. I may tonight or sometime tomorrow after they've had a chance to read this (though hopefully not comment on anything too awful).  I am also inclined to ask my siblings (Hi Dave!) what their recollections are.  Being the youngest, my recollection is often more short sighted than theirs (yes, I did just put that in writing!)

I am grateful for my parents and all that they did to raise us and to help us become who we are. And as I prepare for full-time parenthood (not just pregnancy), I can only hope and pray that would be half as good a parent as they were/are. 

When you're not using your gifts

I blame my lack of blogging on this.  I know that's not really fair since I was short on blogs long before that drama started, but to be quite honest, it has sucked me dry in the last 6 months.

I am good at administration. I think in systems and organization and things like that, so administration comes fairly naturally. But it does not feed my soul. It has needed to be done, so I've done it. There's been no two ways around that, but I am finding myself more and more drained for the work I do.  

If I had to say what does feed me in ministry, I would say:

Teaching

Designing worship experiences that touch people deeply

Pushing people (in a good/constructive way) to grow in their faith and their beliefs

Those are the things I love. Those are the things I can drag my heels getting to (because I'm tired, or lazy, or had a hard day) and feel new energy after I've done them.  Ideally, that's where I'd spend the majority of my time and energy each day.

But it hasn't worked that way as of late. You could say it's about priorities and what I chose to do and that I could simply make different choices and then do what inspires me. And, on some level, you might be right. But I'd also have to argue that you aren't being very practical. If half your house is caving in, you shouldn't just walk away to the half that's not and pretend the other isn't happening. You could, sure. But you shouldn't. Not if you ever want to get back to that other half of the house.  So I've been in the crumbling, messy, disorganized part trying to get us back on our feet and functioning with the hope that once the big stuff becomes organized and clear, the rest will be quite a bit easier.

And I'm tired. It's rugged, demanding work. But it's only for a season, and some day, that season will be over and I will be in a new season, and maybe then I can focus on the things I truly love that give me life.  In the meantime, I'm trying to bring back pieces so that I can have more energy for the work that does drain me.

Pre-marital advice

Man 1:  I need advice for marriage.
Man 2: How often do you use foo-foo spray in the bathroom when she's over?
Man 1: All the time.
Man 2: Stop now. You better let her get used to it.
Man 1: No way man.
Man 2: Yep.