Making sense of trials

Have you ever been through something difficult?

Of course you have,  that's part of life. 

Illness
Accidents
Failures
Abuses
Addiction
Break ups
Divorces
Betrayal
Loss

Life is messy and painful.  Period.

And,  often,  in the midst of a struggle,  people want to make sense of it all. Why me? Why this?  Why now?   Somehow,  it seems like it might be more tolerable if we could just understand the reasons.  So we look for explanations and answers.  We want someone to blame.  And when our earthly options fall short (and sometimes even when they don't and are instead staring us right in the face), we often blame God.

It's God's will.  
Everything happens for a reason.
God has a purpose.
God has a plan.

And while those things might be independently true (well,  I'm not sure about the first two, but I do believe the second two...God does have a purpose and God does have a plan) those things may not have any connection to the circumstances of my trials.

It can be tempting to soothe our own wounds or try and soothe someone else's by "helping" to justify what's happening with the notion "everything happens for a reason", but please use this please cautiously...since the reason may (likely) not be God (as you're suggesting) but instead it may be

The consequence of our own actions
The consequence of someone else's actions
Systemic injustice
Learned (bad) behavior
Or maybe (sorry to be so glib)...just because $h1t happens. 

Really,  all kinds of things happen without any real explanation or answer and pretending the answer is God is really not helpful.  Sometimes we just have to sit in the discomfort of the messiness if life. ..without any answers at all.

Letter to my daughter

Dear sweet first-born child of mine,

Over the years,  you will learn more and more about me.  One thing I'd like to give you a heads up about is I'm not actually a morning person. I know that will come as a shock since I've been rising with you at every ungodly hour since you were born,  but it's the truth.  Let's just say I faked it well (oh and it was a lot easier when you were smaller since you just wanted to be in our vicinity,  not have actual conversation). That said, I have a pro-tip for you: mornings will be a lot smoother (maybe even more fun. ..eventually) if you ease me into them instead of cradling into my bed and talking a million miles an hour.

Don't get me wrong I like your taking. ...love it really,  I'll just be a lot more pleasant  (and responsive) if you give me 10-15 minutes to be quiet and gradually wake up. 

I know you won't heed this.  You probably couldn't care less. You won't,  until you're  thirty and have a talkative child yourself.  But hey, it doesn't hurt to try!

Know that I'll love you forever,  no matter what,  including if you rush me into mornings every day for the rest of my life.

Love,
Mom  

Quote of the Day

"Do you know why you can give grace liberally? Because it's not yours to give;  it's God's, so spend it liberally." -Pastor Marty Walker

Church (s)hopping lessons: Seeking refuge

Over the years I've had the privilege of working with a lot of people in ministry. ..thousands of people.  Some i know well after working side by side week in and week or,  others I know more loosely through Bible study or a single hospital visit.  Others I know by face or by name,  but don't really know. And some slide in and out of the worship space,  willing not to be seen or noticed. 

From various encounters,  meetings,  and times of counseling, I've learned why people have come to church. 

The reasons include:
Finding a church home
Returning to "roots"
A physical/health crisis
A relationship struggle/crisis
Looking for safe space
Re-imagining one's self/identity
Because it felt like [I] should
To teach [my] kids faith

The list goes on.

The common denominator is
Belonging
Refuge

One of the things that has been the biggest blessing to me in visiting churches is being able do what is most comfortable/necessary for me in any given moment.  I appreciate being able to choose (or at least feeling that freedom since I always have a choice) whether or not to stand,  whether or not I sing, and even entering a space or position for personal prayer.

That freedom creates an extra layer of security to simply be and hopefully to encounter God in the midst of worship.

Potty Talk

*Disclosure: this is literally about poop, which may not be your thing.  (It's not really mine either,  but it's relevant. ..even theological). So, you may want to skip this post and move on to the next. 

My dear sweet child unfortunately has weak teeth (or poor hygiene, or both) and she has had more dental work in 3 years than I have had in 33 years.  She has 5 crowns,  maybe 6. And on Friday,  one came loose and she swallowed it.  I called the dentist and she was out of town,  so we have to wait for Monday.  Insurance won't cover the replacement,  so we will owe around $400. (Yippee)  Sigh.

The hygienist suggested we "watch" for it.  I can't even begin to describe how giddy that makes me.  So we talked and talked to Ruth about not flushing and letting me know if she had a bowel movement. 

At dinner I asked if she'd pooped and she said,  "Yes, and I didn't flush,  just for you!" Oh goody!

So I grabbed a bucket and gloves and went upstairs.  And I "looked" for this $400 treasure piece. 

I warned you. .."literally about poop".

And,  ironically I started thinking theologically. ..where is the God-message in this?

And I thought,  "I wonder how often this happens. ..we accidentally swallow/lose something precious that God has given us, and then we wait for it to "appear" and hope God will sift through the shit to recover our treasure."

Regrettably, the crown didn't appear, so I get to look forward to this "joy" again today.  And I couldn't help but think of God..."Oh boy, I get to do this again tomorrow. .."  sigh.

Sometimes we have accidents,  and sometimes we lose very valuable things because of it,  and then we have to sift through the shit (excuse the language, but if you've ever done this chore, you get it,  it's not glamorous) if we ever want it back. And God, who is a loving and faithful parent, will grab a bucket & get some gloves on, and help us recover that which is precious.

Lessons from church (s)hopping: A little recognition

Over the last few months,  while on maternity leave,  I've had occasion to visit a number of churches. It's been interesting since I haven't been church (s)hopping in 12 years (and then I was single with no kids).  My intent hasn't been to critique churches, but I can't help but notice certain things along the way. I offer these reflections as a note to myself for future ministry and for whatever it might be worth to those who work/volunteer in the church.

When I was in college,  I began attending the campus Intervarsity group.  I started going to worship mid-week and when I first showed up,  I met one of the key leaders. He was very friendly,  "Hi, I'm Jarrod, what's your name?" So I told him my name and that it was nice to meet him. 

The next week I went back.  Again,  he approached me, "Hi, I'm Jarrod, what's your name?" I figured,  well,  it is only my second time here,  it's OK.  I liked the worship and the teaching and so I went back again.  Week 3, the same thing,  "Hi, I"m Jarrod, what's your name?" Not even a glimpse of recognition. It was a decent size group of students,  but not enormous and I had met him EVERY week.  So it was odd that he didn't even have a minimal memory. I get not everyone does names,  but not even a "I think I should know you're name,  but I'm not good at remembering."

I really was trying to be part of a faith community and did like the worship, so I went back,  4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 times.  And do you know what happened every time?

"Hi, I'm Jarrod, what's your name?"

Every. single. week. for 10 weeks.  After that I started a Bible study with IV and Jarrod still never learned my name.  He grew to know my face,  but never my name.

Now,  I'd grown up in the church,  so I cared more about worship and study than my interaction with one guy.  But, it was significant that I, seemingly, wasn't memorable (at all) to a key leader.  So significant that I remember the story and his name 17 years later...

It is interesting when we visit a church who (if anyone) greets us, and then who (if anyone) remembers us when we go back. 

I know church folk can be pretty overwhelming in their effort to greet the newcomer, but in trying to avoid that tendency it seems like of folks have fallen off the opposite edge. 

In our recent visits,  the church who has done the best at welcoming and remembering us is Pacific Palisades Community Church. We had 5 or 6 people greet us on our first visit, and a good number who remembered us when we came back the following week. 

We want to be noticed and welcomed (as opposed to ignored) but we don't want to stick out like a sore thumb. And it is nice when people pay enough attention to remember us when we go back

Music Monday

Music is powerful in our house.  We even have a picture that says, "Where words fail music speaks." It's true.  So, I'm sharing various pieces of music that have either spoken to me or I think will speak into situations of friends. 

I regularly post on Facebook:

"Prayer Roundup: What can I lift up for you?" 

I'm always honored for how people share with me so that I can hold them in prayer.  And I am often overwhelmed by the level of pain in our lives.  Depression. Addiction. Mental health struggles. Grief. Betrayal. Abuse. Family conflict....the list goes on. 

There are a whole lot of storms that rage in our lives.  And this song speaks into our need to have faith that God is in the midst of the storm:

Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson

Word of Hope

The Easter message matters. We need to know that sin, betrayal, death, abuse, death, heartache, loneliness, depression, fear, anxiety, loss, confusion, and dead ends don't have the final word. It may feel like it, but all those things lose because of Christ. In him we are given (freely without strings attached) forgiveness, second chances, reconciliation, redemption, freedom from our past, and promise of hope in our future.

If you want my help

Let me just start by saying God is growing me so much as a parent. I am (slowly) becoming a better person day by day. And I'm learning a whole lot of humility, both from my failings as a parent and as I learn to re-image God.  

The other day Ruth wanted "3 Queen Elsa braids" in her hair. Now, she doesn't have enough hair for much, but she is content if I give her any kind of braid that make her feel like Elsa.  So, I sprayed and conditioned her hair and started to divide it into sections (at which point she normally likes to argue with me that she wants braids not pony tails...but if you do hair you know you have to do pony tails first to keep the sections separate).  I remind her she should trust me.  She said ok and then began to bend all the way forward.  

Sigh.

"Ruth, you need to sit up straight!"

"OKAY!"

I continued separating sections and then began braiding.  I don't remember exactly what she did next, but my response was "Ruth, if you want me to help you, you have to let me do it." 

Click in my brain. 

Ohh....it's another one of those  lessons.  If I want God to help me I have to let God do it...

Let's just say I'm about as cooperative as my almost-5 year old when it comes to asking God for help and then either staying out of the way or being an active (and helpful) participant in following God's direction.  I'm trying. I'm learning.  I'm definitely a work in progress.  

I just have to remember, if I ask for help, I need to let God do it!

Easter prayer

Merciful God, 
thousands of years ago, 
in the dark of the morning, 
in the midst of profound grief
[Mary/the women] drew near to the tomb.  
Her heart broke as she came to say goodbye to her rabbi and friend.  
But instead of the stench of death she breathed in the gift of new life.  
Jesus was alive! 
The gift of resurrection is mysterious and confusing--
As are the ways you touch the dark and dead places in our lives.  
Where we have failed you forgive us. 
Where we sin you redeem us. 
Where the darkness threatens to overtake us,  you shine your light. 
And where death steals our joy, you proclaim I give joy abundantly. 

We thank you this day for new beginnings,  second chances,  and resurrection from death. 

Hallelujah!
We praise you in Jesus' name, 
Amen.  

Easter prayer

O God of death & resurrection,
we come today rejoicing in the fact of the empty tomb. 
Jesus Christ is risen! 
Hallelujah!
Where death and darkness threatened to overcome your promise of grace, mercy, & justice you stand victorious. 
We can't deny the power of sin or the presence of suffering in our lives.  
But because of Christ,
We know they don't have the final word. 

So we praise you.  
Hear us now as we lift our voices in thanks & praise 
for all you do & all you've done,
through Jesus Christ our Lord,
Amen.

Wickedness and Weakness

Luke 22:14-23The Message (MSG)

^14-16 When it was time, he sat down, all the apostles with him, and said, “You’ve no idea how much I have looked forward to eating this Passover meal with you before I enter my time of suffering. It’s the last one I’ll eat until we all eat it together in the kingdom of God.”
^17-18 Taking the cup, he blessed it, then said, “Take this and pass it among you. As for me, I’ll not drink wine again until the kingdom of God arrives.”
¹⁹ Taking bread, he blessed it, broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, given for you. Eat it in my memory.”
²⁰ He did the same with the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant written in my blood, blood poured out for you.
^21-22 “Do you realize that the hand of the one who is betraying me is at this moment on this table? It’s true that the Son of Man is going down a path already marked out—no surprises there. But for the one who turns him in, turns traitor to the Son of Man, this is doomsday.”
²³ They immediately became suspicious of each other and began quizzing one another, wondering who might be about to do this.

Most folks in the church are familiar with this story. If you've been in a church that does regular (monthly) communion, you've probably heard it a dozen or more times. If you're a life-r you've probably heard it hundreds of times.  

Funny thing is Scripture, as the living Word of God, has a way of speaking in new and different ways each time we read it.  That's what happened for me today, I heard this passage differently.  For me, today, it was less about the Passover meal (a.k.a. communion) and more about who Jesus included, or chose not to exclude.

It is clear here Jesus eats with one he knows will betray him. Throughout the whole meal, Jesus knew Judas would betray him (and he knew Peter would deny him) and yet he included them anyway.  This holy meal--to which Jesus gave new depth and meaning--wasn't reserved for the faithful and the righteous. It was meant for all--including the sinners, the liars, and those who would betray him.  

That's good news for us because if Jesus included the "worst" disciples then--the most wicked the the most weak--then Jesus also includes the "worst" of the disciples now. Whether we're defined by wickedness or weakness, Jesus invites us to the table. He shares the blessing with us, even knowing we're going to keep getting it wrong.  

And the kicker is, if Jesus is willing to include us at our worst, then he's also willing to include them at their worst.  The gift of forgiveness, of salvation, new life, and God's promises aren't reserved for a select few, they are made available to all--over and over again because of and in spite of our sin. 

Preachers' Prayer

Lord God,
This week is big in church life. 
It's hectic. 
It's demanding. 
It's blessed. 
It's holy. 
And it's exhausting. 
For all the pastors preparing sermons & liturgy,
Give energy,  stamina,  inspiration,  health,  and help. 
Bless them so that they might experience the truth of the Gospel as they proclaim it to/for others. 
Be big. 
Be bold. 
Empower and use your faithful servants. 
In the mighty name of Jesus,
Amen. 

Prayer of preparation

Loving God,
Still and focus my mind that I might hear from you. 
Help me as I read your Word.
Guide my thoughts so that what I write and what I plan would speak to your people. 
In Jesus' name, amen. 

Are you ready?

Luke 22:7-13The Message (MSG)

^7-8 The Day of Unleavened Bread came, the day the Passover lamb was butchered. Jesus sent Peter and John off, saying, “Go prepare the Passover for us so we can eat it together.”
⁹ They said, “Where do you want us to do this?”
^10-12 He said, “Keep your eyes open as you enter the city. A man carrying a water jug will meet you. Follow him home. Then speak with the owner of the house: The Teacher wants to know, ‘Where is the guest room where I can eat the Passover meal with my disciples?’ He will show you a spacious second-story room, swept and ready. Prepare the meal there.”
¹³ They left, found everything just as he told them, and prepared the Passover meal.

  There are a number of things that happened in this passage that required obedience, faithfulness, and timing.  
-Peter and John were prepared to cook the Passover meal (not generally something they would have done as men--fish, maybe, but not a feast for a high holy day)
-There was a man carrying water (also not normally the job of a man) and he managed to be at just the right spot at the gate at just the right time for Peter and John to see him
-Peter and John had to follow him
-The homeowner was home
-the homeowner honored the request of the "teacher" even though he wasn't present
-the room was already ready and furnished
-The disciples found the food, got a lamb, and prepared the meal for all of the men to share together

In this we see incredible faithfulness in the various men who are present. Peter and John were ready to do what Jesus asked--even though it wasn't "men's work" (and they knew/figured out how to do it).  Then there's the man with the water (presumably a slave) who just happens to be carrying water at the moment they come into the city.  He would have been easy enough to spot, as it typically would have been a woman carrying the water, but still he was there for Peter and John to find and follow. Then we have the homeowner.  He was home and didn't see to argue or even flinch at "the teacher's" request.  

God ordained or otherwise, the collision of people who were willing to live in the moment or do as God said or some combination of both is incredible and important.  The events of this night came together because multiple people were faithful and obedient.  We often say "God is in control", which I believe (to some extent), but God is also reliant upon us to participate.  We need to listen, we need to follow, and we need to do as God has asked us to do.  

Are you ready?

to listen?

to follow directions?

to work outside your comfort zone?

to help the stranger?

to be used by God?

 

Quote of the day

Daily Prayer

Precious Lord,

Prepare my heart to hear your voice. 

Help me to be a faithful listener.

Guide my heart to the place you are calling.

Speak into my places of fear, doubt, and anxiety.

Give me instead your perfect peace.

This I pray in Jesus' name, 

Amen.

Trusting God

At various points in the last few months, God has reminded me that I am to “Trust God” and life faith-fully.  It’s almost like an echo in my mind. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.  It seems simple enough, but when the storms of life are raging, it’s not as simple as it seems.  

I know I'm supposed to trust God, but I also have this selfishness inside of me.  

"I'll trust you, but you need to show up already."

 "I'll trust you, but I'm tired of waiting." 

 "I'll trust you, but you didn't do it my way." 

On the days I struggle to trust, I try to "preach faith until I have it" (~John Wesley). And I often use music to help convict me.  If I sing it often enough, maybe it will become even more true for/in me.  This song by Lauren Daigle has been incredibly powerful for me in that way. 

The full lyrics can be found here. 

The chorus is a good reminder for me:

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Even when God doesn't do it my way, I am called to trust.  

Experiencing God: Hearing God speak

 I’ve written a couple of posts on experiencing God (hugs & heat), and I think it’s important to keep uncovering the various (tangible) ways we can experience God.  One of the more recent ways is through prophetic* people in my life. 
 

I’ll start by saying I’m wary of those who tend to try and predict future events.  I knew one guy who studied the “Bible Code” (which he did in English…if you believe in the Bible Code (read messages hidden within the scriptures) I’m pretty sure you should believe they were hidden in the original biblical languages and not some random English translation, but what do I know? I’m just a biblical scholar and a theologian.).  This man would send me letters of his predictions.  I was pregnant with our first child when he told me it would be a boy and we were to name him “John Allen”. Turned out it was a girl and we named her Ruth.  He told me there would be a HUGE earthquake of the coast of California causing a giant tsunami on December 22^nd of that year causing destruction all the way into the Inland Empire and that we needed to have the church fitted with reinforced steal (which needed to be purchased from a very specific company, by the way).  Needless to say, we didn't buy the steal and no such earthquake or subsequent tsunami happened. Which is all to say, if you say you’re a prophet, I take it with a grain of salt.  

However, despite some crazy experiences with people that I do not believe were hearing the Word of God directly, I have known others whose words have been tested and proven in time.  My spiritual mentor has spoken prophetically into my life and my ministry on a couple of occasions and I have a prayer partner who has also been given prophetic words for me.  It doesn’t happen all the time, but every once in awhile, when I ask her to pray for me, she says “Call me” and ends up having a very specific scripture or word that seems to be from God.  

In January of last year I had asked her to pray for me.  I was struggling because we really wanted a second child. It took us a long time to get pregnant again and then we miscarried.  It was heart breaking and we kept praying that we would be able to have another child.  And it seemed like forever, and I wondered if it would ever happen.  I asked my friend to pray for me.  And then she said, “Call me.” And I did.  And then she shared a message, which included that God would answer my prayer as he had answered Hannah’s. I wasn't sure how long it might be before God answered "as he had Hannah" but I was grateful for the hope.  And it turns out, we were pregnant in about a month.  You could call it coincidence, but it was more than that for me.  

Later that year, I again asked for prayer, as I had many times, and this time, she said "Call me." So I did.  Again, she had specific words for me (sort of like when I prepare a sermon and it all just flows, I don't have to think to make it work, it just comes...from God...it's clearly not mine).  She had very specific words for me that addressed my current situation in ways that were uncanny, since I hadn't told her what was going on. I'd only asked her to pray.  Her words have brought me comfort, they have brought me hope, they've given me direction and instruction.  And I am grateful that God gave me someone (actually multiple someones since it's happened with other people, often in the form of "hey, I just had you on my heart today and felt the need to do tell you ________).  

God does speak. God speaks through the scriptures. God speaks through giving us peace, comfort, and hope. And God speaks through other people.  It might be simple. It might be vague or it could be specific.  To be sure, there are "false prophets" and we should be wary about believing everything people say is "from God", but just because there are some folks who are pretty far out doesn't mean there are no modern prophets who genuinely hear from God to offer God's truth into our lives. 

*It is HUGELY important to understand that when I say “prophetic” I’m not talking about fortune tellers, or future predictors.  A prophet (in biblical terms) is a truth teller—they are a messenger from God, sent to tell God’s truth.  If you read the Old Testament prophets, you might be inclined to think they are future-tellers, but really they are more like doctors in that they are diagnosing a condition and explaining likely outcomes.  For instance, if you keep acting unjustly and selfishly, you will end up struggling with famine.  That sounds like future-telling in a way. But it’s also diagnostic…if you keep being selfish and not thinking of others, or the big picture, this way of life is going to land you in a heap of trouble.  Much like if a doctor says “if you keep failing to exercise and eating the way you are, you’re likely to have a heart attack.” The doctor isn’t a fortune teller, she’s a diagnostician…she’s studied likely outcomes of certain behaviors and knows there’s a direct correlation between diet and exercise and heart related issues.  So, when I say “prophet”, what I mean is someone who listens for God’s voice and is offered a message to share.  The legitimacy of said message can be measured by how it holds up against the truth of the scriptures. 

Here You Go God

"Here you go Mommy." 

I get that a lot.  And generally that’s followed by a handful of trash.  It might be an apple core, a broken toy, a half eaten sandwich, a gun wrapper, already chewed gum, or any other type of rubbish.  There’s nothing like receiving trash because your child doesn’t want to deal with it herself.  “Thaaaaanks” is about the only reply I have. 

Today, I had one of those “ah ha” moments and realized, that’s a lot like what we do to God.  We break stuff, we use what we want, we pull off the undesirable parts and then we hand it to go and say, “Here, it can be yours now.” We might want a solution (like fixing a broken toy a.k.a. situation) or we might simply not want to deal with our rubbish ourselves. So instead we give it to God.  

I wish I could say I’m more mature in my faith than this, but the reality is, I do this on a regular basis. I tire of something, or I break it, or I don’t find it useful or whatever the case may be, and so I readily dump it in God’s lap. “Ok, it’s your problem now. You take care of it.”  I’m not sure I have a great solution to this habit, but I imagine it will start with an awareness of it.  If I can acknowledge what I’m doing, maybe I can stop and think before I dare a hand-off…

  Could I fix it?

 Could I get rid of it myself?

Does it really need God’s hand or am I just being lazy?