Something of Substance

Over the last few months I have felt stiffled in my blog writing. For those of you who have read since the beginning, I used to write 2-3 posts almost daily. I was full of thoughts and ideas and things to share, and lately it seems I come up blank. I yearn for inspiration, for ideas and thoughts that seem to matter in the larger spectrum of life and thought and being. I can't figure out if I've simply petered out because that's what bloggers do, or if I am lacking appropriate stimulation, or if somehow my thoughts and imagination have been truncated by what's been happening (or not) in the world around me. My purpose in blogging has changed, gone through waves or cycles, so to speak. Sometimes I blog to help myself process. Sometimes I blog to provoke thought or to share the bizarre things that happen in my everyday life. And now, as I think about blogging, I want to be contributing something of substance. I want my words to not be airy or trivial, but to be empowering, inspiring, or provocative. Now, all of that may actually speak to some other personal need I have now. If I were back in CPE, I might be challenged to think through why I need to have such influence, why it is insufficient to just be me and share whatever it is that is wandering through the highways of my brain? And, I suppose, regretfully, that would be a legitimate challenge--one I should try and answer. And I guess the best answer I have these days is that I want to make a difference in life. I know I won't be the next Messiah, and I am grateful for that, but I do want to have an impact on the world--which in turn means specifically on people. But, if I really think about it, those who read my blog surely do not come to this page for that purpose--to be transformed, transfixed, or provoked. To my knowledge, which is limited, most of my readers know me outside of the blogosphere and others, mostly, are tied to the UMC in some form or fashion, which probably means they read because they want to know what is happening with me and my life, or because they are trying to have some sort of notion of what else is being thought/done in the UMC. So really, the mundane is what counts. The everyday, is what my friends and family want to know about, and the accounts of church life are what others are seeking. So, as I think through this and write it out, it is clear to me I am not the guru I wish I were, but, yet again, have to swallow the bland reality that I am just another "Jane" in the world of bloggers, who sometimes writes the "cotidiano" and other days writes the "inspirado".