Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Spiritual Non-direction

Some of you may recall that part of the impetus for me starting blogging was my musings from meeting with a spiritual director. Well, today we had our third meeting and it was horrible. I have known from the beginning that we simply do not click, and today was the ultimate proof of that. She spent about an half hour trying to get me to tell her something, which remains unclear to me even now. I kept thinking "what are you getting at?" And giving her that high-pitched noise dog look:

Finally after 30 minutes of futile and very frustrated questioning she named it: "I think we are too different to make this work. We understand God too differently and I don't have the words to communicate well with you." you got that right! I kept thinking of the place where I volunteer, we do horse back riding with kids with disabilities, and some kids simply respond better to certain people. The instructor can be top notch, but sometimes the kids just click better with someone else. I clearly needed someone different.

On my ride home I was frustrated and hurt. Frustrated for how it didn't work and the prospect of having to find someone different (along with the possibility that I may have presented a similar problem for someone I have counseled along the way). Hurt because the way she explained things made me feel absolutely inept, spiritually immature, and impossible to work with. The notion that came to me in those moments is that I need a soul whisperer. I mean really, there are dog whisperers and horse whisperers, I need a soul whisperer, someone who gets it and gets me. Where the resonance of our souls works in harmony and I can keep progressing in my faith journey.

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